


Bits In Between

by Es_Aitch



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Asexual character - sort of, Best Friends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-31
Updated: 2013-04-13
Packaged: 2017-12-07 02:55:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 37,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/743364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Es_Aitch/pseuds/Es_Aitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s another Agnsty story.  I know, but it's what I'm good at.  Follows from "Forest of the Dead" through "Midnight" and beyond.  Other than that...What it says on the tin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The bright light and whirling that surrounded Donna came to a sudden stop.  She carefully opened her eyes to find herself standing in the middle of a reception area in the Library.  She looked around, but Lee was nowhere to be seen.  She panicked in confusion for a moment, but saw Mr. Lux and then remembered the Doctor. 

She ran over to him almost out of breath, “Mr. Lux, where is he?  Where’s the Doctor?” 

Mr. Lux just looked at her and his face fell.  This only increased Donna’s concern.  She nearly yelled, “Mr. Lux, WHERE is he??” 

Mr. Lux knew there would be no way to argue with her. He walked around the other side of the desk, “He’s at the Data core.” 

Donna asked indignantly, “The what?”

He looked at her, “The Data Core.” 

Donna was still confused and said louder, “The what?”

He realized that she had not been there when the Doctor had explained everything to them.  “Come with me.  I’ll show you.” 

Donna was getting more worried about the Doctor with each passing moment.  Mr. Lux’s somber mood was doing nothing for her nerves.  He led her down to the lower levels and to a hallway, he gestured, “He should be that way… I have to get back upstairs and help people transport away, can you find your way back?” 

Donna nodded dumbly.  She could tell he had no desire to be there and she wondered what that meant she would find. She walked down the hall and turned the corner and that’s when she saw him.  The Doctor’s spiky hair and blue suit a giveaway that it was him.  His left arm was at an angle.  She would have thought it was to hold his head, but his head was cocked to the other side.  Donna could not contain the gasp that escaped her as she thought the Doctor was dead.  She ran to get in front of him.  Knowing there would be nothing she could do, but she just wanted to comfort him one last time.  As she got closer she saw his eyes were open and focused on something else.  She took a gulp of hope and waved her hand in front of his face, “Doctor?” 

He did not reply and then she followed his gaze and saw the slumped body of Professor River Song.  Blood was coming out of her ears, nose and mouth.  There were even tracks of blood streaming from her eyes.  Donna covered her mouth and said, “Oh my go-!” 

She looked back to him, with desperate hope rested her hand on his shoulder and applied pressure as she spoke louder, “Doctor!” 

He inhaled, but did not take his eyes away from River.  Donna sighed with relief that he was still alive and then noticed why his arm was at such an odd angle:  it was handcuffed to a pole.  Then she noticed the chafing and bruising on his wrist from where he had obviously tried to get out of it.  She turned back to face him and said his name again.  Still, she received no reply, “Doctor, come on you’re scaring me.” 

She was kneeling right in front of him now, blocking his view of River, “Doctor?  Doctor, please.  Say something?  Look at me?”  

She was panicked again and so slapped him across the cheek. It was not as hard as she had in the past, but it was enough to get a reaction out of him, even if it was a bit melancholy, “So what did I do to you to deserve that?” 

Donna was too pleased having gotten any reply out of him to be upset, “Oh, Doctor!” 

She carefully draped her arms around him in a hug.  After a few moments he spoke again, “Donna?” 

He paused when she did not reply, “Donna?  Can you get me my Sonic?  I think my arm’s gonna fall asleep at this angle.” 

Donna inhaled, reached for his sonic and gave it to him.  She gave him a few moments to set himself free.  He then moved past her and went to River’s body.  The Doctor gently removed the electrode from her head.  He then took a handkerchief out of his pocket and began to gently wipe the blood away.  Donna leaned back against the wall for support and just watched, knowing there was nothing she could do.  She was surprised that he never once spoke the words, “I’m sorry,” and wondered what had transpired that would lead to this reaction of his. 

She also noted that he did not cry.  When he had wiped most of the blood away, he stuffed the handkerchief into his pocket and stepped down from the platform.  With that, Donna wordlessly approached him and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into a tight and proper hug.  He did not exactly reciprocate and after a few moments he took her hand and began to move them away from the core.

On their way back up, he gave Donna the brief version of what had happened after she was taken.  Then she explained everything that had happened to her.  When they got back to the reception area, they informed Mr. Lux about Professor Song and he said he would take care of everything from there.  The Doctor also informed him of the deal he had made with the Vashta Nerada.  Mr. Lux nodded and informed them, they would start transporting everyone off of the Library immediately.  The Doctor then encouraged Donna to look around to see if she could find Lee.  She looked at him for a brief moment, wondering if he was trying to get rid of her.  He placed a hand on her shoulder, “Go on, I’ll wait for you over there.” 

He gestured with his eyes to a wall, “Go on, you need to do this for you.”

After uploading River to the Data Core, the Doctor returned to the reception area and sent Donna back to the TARDIS.  He would stay behind and make sure everyone got off the planet.  Donna suspected he also wanted to say his farewells to River out of sight of everyone, so she did not protest.  She used her key to open the doors and the comforting welcome of the TARDIS’ hum greeted her.  She briefly thought of going to her room, but decided that it would be better to wait for the Doctor.  No, matter how much she was hurting, she knew he was hurting too and sometimes just the presence of another person made that sort of pain bearable.

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The faint bit of hope faded from the Doctor’s face after he snapped his fingers and the TARDIS doors closed.  Donna made her way over to sit on the jump-seat.  The Doctor made his way around the console making adjustments so they could head into the Vortex.  It would not be long before the Vashta Nerada took over the Library again.  He was watching Donna and was reminded of how lost and forlorn she had looked when Lance had revealed that he did not love her.  Only this time, he felt as miserable as she did and there was no need to go to the creation of the Earth.  Not that he would anyway; they already seen that, no need to see it again. 

The Doctor put the TARDIS into the Vortex by pressing one of the presets.  He looked up at the Time Rotor, its color muted.  The walls appeared more dull-yellow than bright golden, so even the TARDIS was subdued to match their moods.  He did not know what to say.  They were both hurting and there was no need to rehash the earlier “Are you alright” conversation.  He walked by Donna and reached out his hand.  With a nod of his head he spoke, “Come on, I think we could both do with a rest.” 

Donna reluctantly took his hand, “I don’t think I can sleep after…” 

The Doctor smiled sadly, “Who said anything about sleeping?  I said rest.” 

He tugged her hand to encourage her to walk with him. He led her through the TARDIS to an area she had never seen before.  He stood before a door and swallowed thickly.  “No one’s seen this before.  At least not since the War.  And it has changed since the last time I showed it to anyone.” 

Donna did not have to ask, “What war?” 

She could tell by the look on his face exactly what war he was talking about.  He continued, “I used to come here sometimes, when everything seemed too overwhelming.” 

“Doctor,” Donna spoke softly and with concern, “You don’t have to do this for me…  I’ll be fine.” 

A small smile toyed at the corners of his lips, “I know… I want to.” 

He saw a loose strand of hair that had come free from her pony tail and he tucked it behind her ear.  “Besides,” he finally spoke again, “Isn’t that what friends do?  Share things when they’re hurting?”  

Donna looked into the Doctor’s eyes.  She was speechless.  Usually she had to pull teeth to get him to say anything and this time he was going to share something without the request.  She could only nod.  He placed his hand on the knob and opened the door.  He placed his other hand in the small of her back to escort her in.  There was a small basket next to the entrance that he picked up as he closed the door, “Come on,” he offered his hand to her. 

Donna was amazed at what she saw and could not move for a moment. When she spoke she did not have to ask where she was, she looked down at her feet as if she was standing on sacred ground.  She finally met his eyes and spoke haltingly, “But… this is… your…” 

The Doctor simply nodded and took her hand, “Come on, there’s a nice spot, just over there.”

They walked across the red grass under the burnt-orange sky.  One sun had nearly set and the other appeared to have a couple hours to go.  There was a soft tingling from the trees around them and Donna realized it was the sliver leaves rustling in the gentle breeze.  The Doctor released her hand, set the basket down and began to dig through it.  He produced a blanket and some simple picnic food, though he doubted either would feel like eating.  As he spread the blanket out, Donna finally found her voice, “This is beautiful.  And we’re still on the TARDIS?” 

The Doctor nodded solemnly, “It is one of the TARDIS Gardens. I haven’t been here in years.  Before the Time War, there wasn’t much need and since… Has been too…”  He broke off, unwilling or unable to finish his thought. 

Donna only nodded her understanding.  “ _Too hard_ ,” she thought to herself.

The Doctor sat down on the blanket, leaned against a tree and patted the space next to him as way to encourage Donna.  She sat next to him, looked at the food and tried to lighten the mood, “Thought you said you hadn’t been here in years.  That food safe, then?” 

The Doctor replied with mock indignation, “Oi!  The TARDIS would never provide any food that would harm us.” 

But a small smile quickly followed his words.  He finished with, “Help yourself if you’re hungry, I’m not sure I am.” 

Donna noticed a thermos and two cups and poured tea for each of them.  The Doctor’s knees were bent; he rested his arms on them and held the cup between his hands.  He looked off in the distance.  He took a sip of the tea and decided his stomach was too unsettled to really enjoy it.  Donna leaned back against the tree, her own cup completely untouched.  When Donna spoke, she sounded as if she was in some far off place as well, “We’re never gonna be the same again, after this.  But then, I ‘spose  we’re the sum of our experiences, aren’t we?” 

The Doctor found one of Donna’s hands with his own, squeezed it gently, but said nothing in reply.  Donna sighed.  She was tired but she knew she would not be able to sleep.  She did not really want to be alone right now anyway.  She figured since the Doctor’s life is always like this; it explained why he never seems to sleep.  She leaned against his shoulder and thought, “ _It’s not exactly comfortable; he’s a bit skinny for that..._ ” 

The Doctor sighed heavily while thinking, “ _Sometimes the best way to get a hug is to give one_.” 

He released her hand and slid his arm around her shoulders, encouraging her to rest her head on his chest.  She wrapped her arms around his middle as he rubbed circles on her back.

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It was not long before both the Doctor and Donna were having a good cry.  Her over what she had lost, because she still remembered it, so it had to have been real.  She was doing her best not to remember Lance and how maybe this would always happen to her whenever she fell in love with someone.  He was crying over everything, really.  So much had happened.  So many people lost to him, AGAIN, with what seemed like very little breaks in between.  Neither of them cried loudly.  There was no whaling or gnashing of teeth.  There were just bitter, sad and mourn-filled tears. 

When they had finally calmed down, they did not move from their positions for a long time.  Each fell into a light slumber, though neither would have admitted it.  The second sun had almost set and the gentle breeze had picked up.  Donna, in her short sleeves, shuddered at the change in temperature.  The Doctor looked down on her and gently tapped her shoulder, “You’re getting cold, come on, let’s go back.” 

She did not move, but replied, “Yeah, then what?  Not much back there.” 

The Doctor sighed lightly, “We can’t very well hide here forever.  Besides, I think I want some toast, how about you?” 

She stirred a bit and met his eyes, “I just wanna be warm again.” 

Somehow he knew she was not talking about the temperature, but he did not press.  He nodded his head and they both packed everything into the basket. He reached out for her hand, somehow contact was needed right now.  She looked relieved and offered a gentle squeeze.  They each had lost so much.  Contact was the only thing that seemed to ground them in this moment.  As long as there was contact, there was the reality that the other was not going to leave. 

They made their way to the kitchen.  Donna sat down at the table and the Doctor went about making some toast.  He did not ask her if she wanted any, he simply made enough for both of them.  He set out some jams and butter then went about boiling some water for tea.  Donna watched him.  She could tell he was making enough for her, but she knew better than to try and stop him.  He was taking care of her, in his own way, and after everything that had happened, she was not about to take that small thing away from him.

They ate in silence.  Each forcing themselves to eat, hoping the other would feel more encouraged to eat if they were.  Donna had eaten a full slice of toast before she decided that her stomach would rebel against her if she ate anymore.  She set her plate aside and began to nurse her tea.  She looked at him as she spoke, “I’m sorry about earlier.” 

Her voice stirred the Doctor out of whatever thoughts he was having and he met her eyes as he replied, “What? Oh!  Don’t worry about it.” 

Donna looked down and shrugged, “Still I was all focused on… me and that wasn’t fair.” 

At that, the Doctor reached across the table and took one of Donna's hands in his own.  "Donna, look at me." 

With hesitation, she raised her eyes and met his.  He continued, "I had a few hours... you had what seemed like years." 

"But it wasn't," she started to interrupt. 

He shook his head and gave her hand a gentle squeeze, "But it seemed like years to _you_.  You fell in love, got married and had children... You have a right to be upset over losing all of that.  What I lost?  Well, she was right; I have all that ahead of me yet."

In that moment, Donna wondered if she would ever understand this time travel business.  She swallowed and replied, "Do you think the TARDIS could..." but the question died on her lips. 

She knew she would never leave the Doctor.  Not now, after all they have been through together.  He knew the rest of the question without her asking it and he saw the thoughts flash across her expressions.  He moved so quickly, it caught both of them off guard.  He was holding her in a tight embrace, it was a way for him to thank her for choosing him, but also because he knew what came next.  It was the part he always fought so hard to hide from everyone else.

She started to weep.  It was different than how she had been in the Gardens.  There was a mixture of regret this time as she realized that she had considered, even fleetingly, leaving the Doctor.  As she started to regain control of her voice, she was repeating, "I'm sorry" over and over again. 

The Doctor was doing all he could not to calm her tears, but to calm her sorrow and regret.  He knew it was her grief talking.  How many times had he wanted to talk to the TARDIS about how he could return to Gallifrey?  She had found a husband, a home and children in the span of a few hours.  But he knew that to her, they were years.  He did not blame her at all for wanting any of that back.  As he knelt there, holding her in his arms, he realized that they now had a great deal in common.  He looked at her and realized:  they were now equals in a way none of his other companions had been, save perhaps, for Susan.


	2. Chapter 2

When Donna had finally calmed down enough, she started to wiggle out of the Doctor's embrace.  She was wiping her tears with the back of her hand and she noticed how his jacket was wet where her tears had soaked it. "Oh, your jacket, I'm sorry," as she tried to wipe the wetness away, succeeding only in spreading it. 

At that, a small smile quirked across his features.  He was seeing her in a whole new light now.  He looked at the wet patch and shrugged, "It'll dry." 

He was still resting his hands on her shoulders, just in case something got her to start crying again.  She noticed the way he was looking at her, "What is it?" 

He nearly smiled, but only accomplished a grin, "Just making sure you're alright." 

She pulled back from him slightly, because she was getting self-conscious.  She then wiped her runny nose using the corner of her sleeve.  She took a deep breath and put her bravest face forward, "I'm fine." 

He offered a simple smile with a nod as a reply.

Donna met his eyes, "I'm suddenly very tired, though." 

He nodded again.  Usually, he would tease her about her need for 'beauty sleep.'  But he understood how everything that has happened would make her exhausted.  He moved back so she could stand, but she faltered on her feet.  He was there to catch her and he escorted her to her room.  Keeping a hold on her, he turned down the bedding and helped her to sit on the bed.  Then he took off her shoes and helped her to lie down.  He went so far as to cover her and tuck her in.  He was almost surprised at the lack of resistance she offered.  But then, they had become very close since the events on Messaline.  Perhaps she sensed the events of the Library brought them even closer.  He sat on the edge of the bed, looked her over and gently brushed her bangs out of her eyes.

Neither of them spoke.  Really, neither of them had to, which was uncharacteristic for both of them.  Thinking about that made him smile.  This did not go unnoticed by Donna, “What?” 

He shook his head, “Just thinking that a good rest would do us both some good.” 

The Doctor moved off the bed to leave Donna in peace, when her hand was suddenly grasping his, “Do you have to go?” 

The Doctor looked down at their joined hands before meeting her eyes.  He shrugged slightly, “We’re in the Vortex, the TARDIS can maintain functions and…” 

Donna interrupted him, “Doctor?” 

The Doctor swallowed, “So I can stay if that’s what you want.”  

Donna nodded and started to slide to the other side of the bed.  The Doctor was backing up to sit in a nearby chair, but raised his eyebrow as Donna moved.  She flipped the covers down again and if the Doctor did not know better, begged him to join her, “Come on, Spaceman.” 

A small smiled played on her lips, “But no funny business, this is about resting, like you said.” 

The Doctor removed his jacket, tossing it on the chair, toed off his trainers and replied, “Wouldn’t dream of it,” as he offered a small smile. 

He climbed in next to her and brought the blankets over them, but did not touch her.  She turned on her side to face him, tucking her hands under her cheek against the pillow and he mirrored her.  

They remained like that, in silence for a few minutes.  Donna finally spoke, "Doctor?" 

He nodded his head to show he was listening. 

"Say something," she pleaded. 

He knew why she was making this request.  The silence, is overwhelming, he understood that.  When he had come around after using _The Moment_ , not sensing the other Time Lords anymore was the worst thing.  He had spent hours immobilized, unable to feel, hear or sense anything besides the dreaded silence that had suddenly filled his head. 

With humans, and Donna in particular, he knew it would lead to only one place:  she would start to cry again.  She had expressed how much she hated crying and because she did it less than Rose or Martha, it made it that much more important and precious when she did allow herself that luxury.  He was not about to take that from her, so he gently shook his head and maintained his silence.  She looked into his eyes.  He could see all the pain bubbling to the surface and he knew the dam would break; he would just have to be strong enough to let it.  She had saved him so many times by knowing when to push him and when to stop him.  This time was about her. 

She spoke softly, her voice thick with the emotions about to spill over, "P-please?" 

He swallowed at the grapefruit that had suddenly planted itself in his throat.  It had to be this way, he knew that.  He shook his head again.  His refusal to speak, more than his general silence, is what broke her.  She lowered her head to her chest as the tears overcame her once again.  He left her in her sorrow for at least thirty seconds before he even thought of touching her.  Then, he slowly moved his arms and brought them around her.  He tucked her head under his chin.  He held her tightly as she cried, but said nothing himself.  He shed a few tears of his own, but more over how much Donna was hurting, rather than over any of his own losses.

Eleven point two-three minutes later; Donna had exhausted herself to sleep.  The Doctor kept a tight hold on her, hoping it would make her feel safe and chase away the nightmares that he expected she would experience.  He knew she would look to him for help and support.  Not because he is a Time Lord, but because he has been through this.  He sighed lightly, his breath moving a few strands of Donna's hair.  He moved his free hand from rubbing her back to gently stroking her hair, as he whispered, so as not to disturb her slumber, "Oh, Donna.  Donna Noble, if there were a way I could take this from you, I would."

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The Doctor sighed quietly again after saying that.  Donna moved in closer to him.  With her asleep, it was difficult to say why she would do that, but he was not about to wake her, since she still seemed peaceful.  He knew it was a bit selfish of him to think of taking away any of her memories.  Just because he would like to forget what ending the Time War did to him, did not give him the right to decide what someone else should or should not remember.  He pulled the blankets closer around them.  

As he did that, he realized the last time he had done something like this had been before he left Gallifrey.  Granted that had been with his wife and so things were a bit different.  As he lay there, holding Donna in his arms, he realized he never thought he would do any of this again.  She really was a remarkable Earth-girl.  Probably the best mate he has had in a long time.  To lay like this with Martha or Rose would have caused all kinds of problems, but with Donna?  It was a non-issue.  Neither of them looked for or even wanted more than friendship.  This made traveling together probably the most enjoyable experience he had in a long time.  Maybe even since Romana.  He sighed lightly and pushed those thoughts away, he had been a different man then.  Even the universe had been a different place.

He refocused his attention on Donna and started to think of places they could go.  They needed a proper vacation.  They needed something that would be alien and fun for him but that would seem very familiar to Donna.  He would have to get the TARDIS to help him with that.  With that thought, the TARDIS' hum grew a bit stronger.  It was comforting, though.  He knew she was encouraging him to get some sleep himself. He muttered, "I'm not sure I can." 

He felt her nudge his mind, " _Of course you can.  Just close your eyes and let me worry about things for a bit_."  

He could not help but to smile at that, "All right, Old Girl, I'll try." 

The Doctor closed his eyes he was very nearly asleep when Donna started to move frantically and cried out, "Joshua!  Ella!  Kids?!" 

The Doctor swallowed thickly and tried to tighten his grip on her.  She was stronger than she looked and pushed him away.  Still in the throws of what had to be a nightmare, Donna called out again, "Kids?  Where are you?  J-just stay put, mummy will find you." 

At that, Donna got out of bed and went to the door.  The Doctor used his telepathic link with the TARDIS to make sure the door was locked.  Until Donna was awake, it would not be good for her to wander around the TARDIS.  The Doctor watched her with great interest, because her reactions would help him know how to help her if she needed it.  

Donna got to the door and finding it locked, started to pull on it.  She started to panic and bang on the door.  The Doctor briefly thought Donna might out-wit the TARDIS and get out.  But he knew the Old Girl would do what she could to ensure Donna's safety.  Donna was moving into full panic mode, "Joshua?  Ella?  Just hold tight, now.  Mummy's coming." She was shaking the handle, trying to move the door now, "Come on!  Open up! Please!" 

The Doctor got off the bed at that point and slowly approached her, "Donna?" 

Donna turned, but he knew she did not see him.  "Lee?" she asked. 

The Doctor swallowed hard and spoke again, "Donna? It's me... the Doctor."  

Donna was still seeing someone else and in her confusion replied, "Dr. Moon?  Oh thank goodness, you can help me find the children!"

 The Doctor approached Donna and risked putting his hands on her shoulders, "No. Donna, wake up.  It's me; it's the Doctor, we're on the TARDIS." 

His voice was shaking.  He knew he was drawing Donna into a reality that she did not want to face.  But, he knew he had to get her to wake up.  He gave her shoulders a squeeze and shook her gently, "Donna!  You're dreaming, come on, now.  Wake up!" 

She shook her head and tried to break free of his grasp.  He simply held on to her.  He was not about to let her go, he knew what would happen when she woke up. 

Donna started to blink quickly and raised her hands to her head.  When she met his eyes, he could tell she was awake.  But when she spoke, it was as if she was still in the distance, "Doctor?" 

He smiled and nodded, "Hello." 

Her hands went to her mouth as the memory of the dream stirred.  She took a step back, out of his reach.  He made to take a step near her, but she held up a hand and shook her head.  He swallowed again, wishing there was something more he could do.  He gave her a couple moments before he tried to speak again, "Donna?" 

She shook her head again and took another step back, "Don't.... I-I just... don't." 

The Doctor nodded and gave her a few more moments before replying, "Do you want me to go?" 

Donna's head went up and down but her voice said, "No." 

If it had been Rose or Martha, he might have laughed, but it was Donna.  That was just proof of how confused she was feeling right now.  Her hands were still at the sides of her head.  The Doctor stood still waiting for her to make the first move or give him permission to do something.  He could not see her face, but he noticed the second her knees started to buckle under her.  He was there right away to catch her.

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As the Doctor caught Donna, he slowly helped her sink to the floor.  Once they were both on the floor, she started to cry harder.  He wrapped his arms around her and rested his cheek against the top of her head and gently rocked her.  After a few minutes he dug through his pockets.  The handkerchief he had used on River had been in his jacket pocket, but he was pretty sure he had one in his trouser pocket as well.  Finally, he pulled it out and held it in front of her.  She did not take it, opting instead to just cry unhindered.

When she started to have control of her voice, she tried to speak between tears and hiccups.  "I-I'm sorry," she began, "I-I know they weren't.... real... M – Evang--sta explained... to me.  But... dream was..." 

She could not finish as another wave of emotions overtook her.  The Doctor gently smoothed down the loose strands of her hair.  He spoke reassuringly, "They were real to you, what you're feeling right now is understandable." 

She turned in his arms so she could look at him, "But... I told you I was all right." 

At that, his eyes started to well up, "So did I." 

He took the handkerchief and started to dab away her tears.  As he did, she started to calm down and his threatening tears started to fade as well.  When he was certain of his voice again, the Doctor spoke, "Donna, it's all right to feel this way.  You've felt so strongly about so many others.  It's okay to feel something for yourself too." 

At last she snatched the handkerchief from his hands, startling him.  But, it was a motion that was so "Donna typical" that he actually sighed with relief.  She sighed and met his eyes, "I'm never gonna sleep again." 

He replied with a small smile, "Oh, you will, 'course you will.  Human as you are, you can't help but not." 

She looked at him incredulously, "But it helps you.  Isn't that why you don't sleep?"

The Doctor was caught off guard by that question.  Of course he does not sleep because of his nightmares, but he was not sure if it helped or not.  He scratched the back of his head, "Ummm, tell you what?  You get back in bed and I'll go to my room and we'll compare notes after a nap?" 

He offered another smile as he let his hand fall next to him.  Donna reached out and took that hand with hers, "Or we could maybe finish off where my dream so rudely interrupted?" 

He remained quiet for a moment.  He sighed finally, having made a decision, hoping it was the right one, "Oh, fine.  We'll try it your way.  Then, we're going to take a vacation.  A real proper vacation.  We can go somewhere where you can lounge near a pool and a place I've never been before."  

She simply asked, "No monsters or answering secret messages?" 

The Doctor shook his head, "And I'll tell the TARDIS to behave.  But I think she knows we all could use a break.  She could probably use a vacation too.  The two of us being this emotional, probably wearing on her just a bit." 

At that, a gentle warmth surrounded them. 

"There, you see?" he continued smiling a bit bigger, "She agrees.  A vacation it is!" 

A small smile crossed Donna’s features, "A proper alien vacation?" 

Seeing her smile allowed the Doctor to smile bigger and he nodded slightly.  Donna grinned at his smile, "Thank you!" 

She then gave him a huge hug.  He released her and started to stand, "But, sleep first!" 

He held a hand out to her to help her to stand.  She made her way back to the bed and he followed closely behind, just to make sure she had her balance.

Once Donna was in the bed, the Doctor got himself situated.  Again, he tensed up, not really knowing what to do.  They were quiet for a few minutes.  When Donna's voice broke the silence, she sounded so scared and alone, it nearly broke his hearts.  But the words she uttered were a bit unexpected, "Doctor...  You can hold me, you know... if you want to." 

He was laying on his back and she on her side facing away from him.  The part of him longing for any contact, of course, wanted to hold her.  The part of him afraid of what contact would do to him wanted to stay right where he was.  He heard her breathing get labored again and he decided that if this would bring her a little bit of comfort, he would do it.  He turned on his side, slid one arm under her head and the other draped over her arm, grasping her hand in his.

She tucked her head under his chin and let out a contented sigh.  Again they were quiet for a bit when Donna spoke again, "Doctor?" 

He hummed a reply, so she continued, "Thank you."

He could not suppress the smile that crossed his features, "You're quite welcome, Donna Noble.  Now, get some sleep." 

He felt her nod her head under his chin.  The Doctor could feel the telepathic field in the room shift slightly.  Even the TARDIS was going to help the two of them sleep.  It was at that point that he realized they were in worse shape than he thought.  It was not long before that thought disappeared and he soon found himself drifting to sleep. 

The last thought he had was that he hoped he would not have any nightmares.  He knew those would terrify Donna, if she ever knew them.  He must have tensed a little at that thought, because Donna shifted slightly in her sleep.  That was when he realized there was something incredibly comforting about holding another creature; he hoped Donna did not think him as 'clingy' for it.  He smirked as he realized he likes to hug in this incarnation because somehow it grounds him and reminds him he is still part of the universe.  He allowed himself the luxury this once to be comforted by this and closed his eyes and drifted into the most peaceful sleep he had experienced in a very long time.


	3. Chapter 3

The Doctor woke first.  He had slept four point eight-three-two hours.  He figured that was the longest he had slept straight since the Time War.  He could tell he had not had any nightmares.  At least none that had caused physical manifestations like screaming or sweating.  He looked down at Donna, she was still sleeping peacefully.  He lay there debating if he should stay with her until she woke or if he should set about planning their vacation.  With a gentle nudge, the TARDIS informed him that she would contact him if Donna needed him.  With that, he slowly extracted himself from about her.

He got off the bed, picked up his shoes and jacket, then turned to look at her one more time.  Again he felt the TARDIS nudge his mind, reminding him that she would take care of Donna.  He nodded his head and left the room.  He returned to his room, took a hot shower and changed clothes.  After that, he went to the control room to pick their destination.  He flipped through reports and came across a Leisure Palace on the planet Midnight.  He scanned through the amenities and a broad smile spread across his face.  This would be perfect.  For the price of the stay, all the other features were included.  It featured spa-like activities similar to Earth, which would be good for Donna and tours of planet features which would be perfect for him.

He did a quick scan of news and trouble from that area.  There was one little article about something happening to one of the tour trucks, but it seemed to have been mechanical in nature and as long as he was there, he could handle mechanics.  Besides, that event was in flux.  Other than that, everything seemed right for them.  Even the TARDIS seemed to approve as there was a small rift that the Palace was built on that she could use for refueling.  He submitted a reservation and luckily there was a suite available, so they could be in the same suite but each have their own rooms. 

With that, he left the control room to get some breakfast made for the two of them.  He was feeling better and he figured Donna could do with a good meal before they set off.  As he reached the kitchen, the TARDIS let him know that Donna was up and getting ready for the day, so he could time this perfectly.  He made eggs, toast, sausage and bacon.  He poured two glasses of juice and just as Donna entered the kitchen, he was getting ready to dish out the food. 

Donna grinned and noticed his timing, "The TARDIS told you, huh?" 

The Doctor tried to play innocent, "What? No, I just have impeccable timing." 

Donna's grinned spread into a full-on smile, "Only when we're getting into or out of trouble." 

The Doctor was mock-offended, "Oi! I'm a Time Lord, timing is what I do!" 

But he smiled broadly as he set her plate down on the table, "Come on, sit down and eat." 

She sat at her place and smelled the food as he dished a plate for himself.  She said, "I'm starving!  I didn't think I'd feel like eating today, but I really do." 

The Doctor smiled as he joined her at the table, "I'm glad you're feeling better." 

They ate in silence for a bit.  She looked at him.  He was avoiding looking at her, she could tell, "I didn't understand before... What you said, when you told me about everything you had lost.  I didn't really get it.  And I still don't think I do, but maybe a little." 

At that the Doctor met her eyes and smiled sadly, "I think," he sighed before he continued, "You don't give yourself enough credit.  You were right that day.  You helped me.  And I'll do what I can for you." 

Donna nodded and returned to her meal.  But, now she was only picking at it.  It was not that she was no longer hungry.  She still was.  She just did not know how to ask the next question.  She watched him, wondering if he was ready to hear it.  Surely he knew she would ask it. 

She placed her fork on the plate and sat back a little, "How do you do it?" 

He almost choked on the bacon he was munching on.  He knew what she was asking.   It was the question he both expected and dreaded.  He met her eyes.  He would answer that question, of course he would, "I'm not sure breakfast is the best time for this discussion." 

Donna looked crestfallen, which nearly broke his hearts.  He sighed, "Look, I promise to tell you, alright?  We can even talk about it before we start the vacation. Just can we please finish breakfast first?" 

Donna looked at him skeptically, but nodded as she replied, "I'm holding you to it, Spaceman.  You're not wiggling your way out of it this time." 

He sighed with relief and nodded.  It really was not a conversation he wanted to hold in the kitchen.  There was a corner of the library that was more suited to this kind of thing.  He met Donna's eyes and still saw a bit of distrust.  He reached across the table and took her hand in his, giving it a squeeze, "I will.  I promise." 

She nodded and he caught a faint smile cross her features.  He then thought that maybe the library would not be the best place.  There was, however, a nice sitting room that should work nicely.

She released his hand and picked up her fork again.  "So," she began, hoping to change the subject, "Where did you learn to cook?" 

He smiled, "Well, cooking like this?  There was a time when Martha and I were stranded in 1969 without the TARDIS.  Had to learn quite a few things then." 

Donna's jaw dropped, "You without the TARDIS?  That must've been hell." 

The Doctor shrugged and told her the story as they finished their meal.  After they washed up, he got some tea going and when it was ready, he guided Donna to a sitting room.  Donna again commented on the expansive nature of the TARDIS and was grateful that the Doctor was there to guide her.

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There was a couch in the sitting room that was near a fireplace, which had a little fire in it.  The lights were down low.  The Doctor smiled, knowing the TARDIS was doing her best to make it as comfortable for both him and Donna as possible.  Once they were sitting comfortably, he met her eyes.  He spoke ever so softly, "Ask me again?  Please?" 

A small smile quirked across Donna's features.  He so rarely asked things of her and even less often used the word, "Please."  She nodded and replied, "So, you're gonna fulfill your promise this time, eh?" 

The Doctor replied with mock indignation, "Oi! I keep my promises!  At least as often as I can.  And as long as no other outside forces get in the way of it." 

She smiled at that and almost giggled.  He heard it lurking just beyond her lips.  He smiled at her kindly and waited.  She met his eyes and composed herself before saying, "How do you do it?  Go on after... loosing so much?" 

He swallowed, she had changed the question.  He knew the question she was asking.  He even knew the questions behind the question, but this time, she gave voice to them and he faltered briefly. 

He swallowed and nodded, "The first few years, I suppose you could hardly say I was going on." 

Donna smirked, "But a few years to you, that's like days or months to us." 

The Doctor smiled kindly and spoke softly, "Do you want to hear this or not?" 

Donna closed her mouth with a click and nodded.  He took one her hands in his own, "I hadn't planned on surviving.  No one was meant to.  But, I did and I spent years just wandering; not really knowing what to do.  I came back to Earth because... It was the only place where I had spent nearly as much time as I had on Gallifrey.  So it was the closest place I had to a home. 

"That, and well, Earth has a way of getting into trouble a lot.  I was angry at everyone and everything.  Protecting the Earth gave me a way to vent all of that.  And since I considered Earth a second home, it became imperative for me to protect what little I had left.  And then, I met Rose." 

Donna swallowed, "Your friend that you lost?" 

The Doctor smiled sadly, "You remembered." 

Donna sighed, "It was a hard day to forget." 

The Doctor nodded, "She was young, but her youth made her fearless.  I needed that... I needed someone to take care of, because somehow taking care of her, reminded me to take care of myself." 

A wry grin spread across Donna's lips, "She stopped you." 

The Doctor laughed mirthlessly, "No... But her presence made me think twice about how I acted." 

He leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees and scrubbed his hands over his face.  For that brief moment, Donna forgot he was an alien because he looked so very human.  She leaned forward and rested a reassuring hand on his back.  She rubbed gentle circles, unsure if he was about to cry or not.  For a moment, he seemed to almost lean in to her touch.  He collected himself and sat back.  Donna too sat back and waited for him to continue.

The Doctor took a deep breath and continued, "I care deeply about all my companions and that's where Rose's youth worked against her.  She thought that we could have something more.  Even as I pushed her away and told her it wasn't possible.  She thought that we could... And then there was Martha, who was totally smitten over me, but I had lost Rose and you had rejected me." 

He elbowed her lightly with a small grin.  Donna replied, "So you were in no condition to really have a companion?" 

He shook his head, "No, but I trusted your instincts and so I found one.  Though, it was a bit accidental.  And I never really gave her the chance she deserved."

Donna sat up a bit, "So that's what all the tension was about!  Oh, it makes so much sense now." 

The Doctor just looked at her with a raised eyebrow and she replied, "Sorry, go on." 

He sighed, "So, the truth is, I don't know the answer to your question, because I keep mucking it up myself.  Oh, I could spout all the Earth euphemisms, like 'One day at a time.'  But that's not really helpful in the face of suffering and loss.  I guess the biggest thing is that I keep busy.  I don't stay in one place too long.  Because when I do, it becomes overwhelming." 

Donna reached a hand out and he took it smiling sadly.  They were both quiet for some time and she finally broke it, "But having a mate helps." 

It was a statement not a question.  Perhaps she was acknowledging something for herself as well as him. He placed his free hand on top of hers, cupping it between both of his hands and squeezed it gently.  He was afraid if he spoke, his emotions would overwhelm him, so he simply nodded.  When he felt he could speak again, he spoke very quietly, "Donna, you said back on Messaline that you would be there to help me.  And you have, in more ways than you can possibly imagine.  But, I want you to know that I am here to help you too.  Sometimes knowing you're not facing things alone, makes it the most bearable." 

She smiled at that. 

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"Now," he continued, changing tone and mood so quickly that it startled Donna, "What do you say we get on with a vacation?  I've picked a lovely place that should have plenty for both of us and I even checked the news reports for the dates within fifty years of our arrival." 

She stood and nodded.  But stopped him as he stood, she wrapped her arms around his middle in a tight hug, "Thank you, Doctor." 

The Doctor smiled as he let his cheek rest upon the top of her head, "You are quite welcome, Donna."

They picked up their mugs and washed them up in the kitchen.  The Doctor then led them to the control room.  Donna asked him excitedly, "So?  Where're we going, then?" 

The Doctor offered one of his manic grins, "To a place I haven't been yet, but I promise you'll love it!" 

He was dancing around the console in his usual manner directing Donna every once in awhile to press a button or turn a knob.  "And we'll be staying in the hotel," he declared, "The TARDIS needs a rest as well and the best way is to put her into a recharge mode, so that means we'll be staying on world." 

Donna was gobsmacked, "But then, I need to pack things!  Why didn't you tell me sooner!" 

The Doctor just grinned, "Don't worry once everything is set, you'll have thirty minutes." 

"Doctor," Donna was exasperated, "can you at least tell me the kinds of things I'll need?" 

The Doctor pressed a few more buttons and then escorted her back to her room, "Whatever you need to be comfortable.  And maybe a bathing suit, they have pools.  Now, I'll leave you to it... I need to get some things for myself.  Meet in the Control Room in twenty minutes?" 

He was out the door before Donna got a chance to reply. Twenty-two point two-one minutes later, Donna entered the control room with two large suit cases.  The Doctor gave her a passing glance as he spoke teasingly, "I said twenty minutes... and what IS all that?" 

She looked at him, grinned and waved a finger, "I've traveled with you enough to know:  be ready for anything!" 

The Doctor could not argue with that, "Well, I'm about to start the materialization sequence, wanna help?" 

Few other things would distract Donna from the lecture she was about to issue the Doctor.  Piloting the TARDIS would work every time and Donna was not ashamed to admit it.  The TARDIS materialized with a gentle thump. The Doctor told Donna it had been smooth due to her help. 

She replied, "Oh go on, it had something to do with that rift you talked about." 

The Doctor tried to explain how much easier everything was with her around, but Donna would hear none of it.  The Doctor shook his head to himself.  " _One day_ ," he thought, " _I'm gonna tell Donna just how brilliant she is... and she'll actually believe me_." With that thought, he started to put the TARDIS in a recharging cycle.  The plan was to be here for two nights and three days, which should be more than enough time to see the planet.

Once everything on the TARDIS was taken care of, the Doctor shrugged into his coat and grabbed one of Donna's bags.  Donna stopped him, "Hold up.  Where's your stuff because you can't wear that for three days." 

The Doctor grinned, "I've got bigger-on-the-inside pockets!" 

Donna laughed at that.  She figured he knew full well she would have packed a few things for him; otherwise he would not be helping her so willingly with the second suitcase. He approached the doors and turned back to her with a grin, "Donna, welcome to Midnight." 

With that he opened the doors and he walked out and waited for her to exit.  Once she had, he closed the door behind him.  They were on the sidewalk of the parking area, which was covered with a thick glass awning.  The Doctor knew it was because of the x-tonic sun, but he simply ushered Donna inside the Leisure Palace quickly so she would not ask too many questions.  He would be more than willing to answer those once they were situated.

The Doctor escorted Donna to the front desk to get their room passes and check in.  The Receptionist greeted them and pulled up the reservation.  She was tapping furiously on her keyboard and then met his eyes, "Oh I am sorry, sir.  But it appears there's been a mistake in your room." 

Donna leaned on the desk, "What sort of mistake?" 

The receptionist smiled sweetly, "Well, you see, you're booked in a suite with two bedrooms and I would think that as a couple, you would not need so much space.  Unfortunately, all our rooms are booked, I'm terribly sorry for the inconvenience." 

The Doctor grinned, "Oh.  Oh!  You mean?" 

Donna and he exchanged glances and at the same time said, "We're not married."  

The concerned look of the receptionist faded immediately, "Oh good.  I mean, not good... but I'm glad there wasn't an error in your reservation." 

She got the two passes and two guest packets together.  She smiled as she handed them over, "All the information you need about your stay, will be found in the packets.  And please remember that all amenities are included with your two-night stay.  If you have any questions, feel free to contact the front desk, it is always staffed.  We here at the Leisure Palace do hope you enjoy yourselves." 

With that, the Doctor and Donna headed off to find their room. They spent that afternoon exploring the palace and discussing the various things they would do during their stay.  Donna noticed the pool rooms had a large area for sun-bathing which seemed perfect for her and decided that is what she would do the next day after a massage.  They ordered room service for dinner and decided that for one of the meals they would have to try the anti-gravity restaurant.  Donna was exhausted and went to her room early.  The Doctor went to his own room and pulled some bits and bobs out of his jacket that needed some tinkering.  He smiled to himself knowing this was just the sort of vacation they both needed.


	4. Chapter 4

The Doctor ended up sleeping a couple hours, which surprised him a bit, but he knew it would please Donna.  They had a light snack and Donna went off for her massage.  The Doctor meanwhile, contented himself with a self-guided tour of the Palace and then they were going to meet up for a proper breakfast after Donna’s massage.  Donna had not had a massage in ages and she had certainly never had one from a being with four arms.  It was, to say the least, divine.  The creature did not seem to tire and so her 45 minutes were exquisite. 

The masseuse left her in silence for the last fifteen minutes.  At which point, Donna began to cry again.  This time they did not feel bitter or sad.  They only felt cleansing.  It was rare thing for her, but she felt better after this round of tears.  When she was ready, she wrapped the house coat about herself and went to meet the Doctor for breakfast at one of the pools.  What Donna did not know is that the Doctor had gone and secretly booked the area just for the two of them for the day.

The Doctor was his typical excited self.  He had found out about some tour or another and he was babbling trying to convince her to go.  She was having none of that, though.  She just wanted to relax, not go anywhere and not do anything.  At least, that is how she was feeling today.  She offered a compromise and said she would go with him tomorrow.  The Doctor seemed appeased with this and they continued with their breakfast.  Once they had finished, Donna looked around the pool area and really took it in, “This place is gorgeous, I can’t believe we’re the only two here.” 

The Doctor grinned, “Oh, that was me.  There are fifteen pool areas in the Palace and some of them can be reserved, so I reserved this one for the day.” 

Donna’s face lit up, “You mean like a real, proper spa?”  The Doctor nodded and then grinned as he saw Donna get comfortable in one of the loungers.

“So,” Donna continued when she was comfortable, “What are you going to do while I relax here?” 

The Doctor smiled, “Oh, you know me.  A little of this and that.  A bit more exploring.  The usual.  I might even go on that tour today without you.” 

Donna raised an eyebrow, “You enjoying something without a companion.  I don’t see it.” 

She was teasing him, but kept her face dead-panned. 

He smiled at her fondly, “I’ve met some of my best companions accidentally.” 

She sat up slightly at that, “Oi!  No taking on new companions without me to approve!” 

They both fell into a fit of giggles knowing that would never happen.

He gave her leg a gentle pat, “Alright, the space-truck should be leaving soon, so I’d better get going.  You enjoy yourself.” 

Donna had leaned back and closed her eyes.  She spoke, sounding a bit distant, “You too.” 

The Doctor left the room without a glance back.  She sighed, calmly trying to force herself into the relaxing point she had found herself in at the end of her massage.  She had just about reached that point, when one of the staff came in with a ringing phone.  She nearly laughed, it had not even been fifteen minutes and he was already calling her.  She decided this time she would be resolute in her decision.

Picking up the phone, Donna knew exactly what to say to him, “I said, ‘No!’” 

But he was too excited talking about the sapphire waterfall.  His enthusiasm for it could be compared to the way she had heard some blokes talk about cars or gifts for their girlfriends, so there was only one right response, “Bet you say that to all the girls.” 

He started begging now. 

She almost laughed, until he told her it would only take “Four hours.”  She knew better, “No, that’s four hours there and four hours back.  It’s like a school trip.  I’d rather go sunbathing.”

She could tell the Doctor forgot about the trip for a brief moment as he expressed concern about the X-tonic sun.  She knew she would never get a moment of rest if he stayed.  She had to reassure him, “Oh, I’m safe.  It says in the brochure this glass is fifteen feet thick.” 

He sounded disappointed, but well enough to leave her, mentioning dinner.  She told him “It’s a date.” 

Then, she felt flustered wondering if he would take it to mean “date” and not “appointment.”  And she could hear the grin and almost mocking tone in his voice as he said his farewell.  Donna chose to ignore it and opted for being cool and collected, “Oi! You be careful, alright!” 

He gave a flippant answer before he rang off.  And for the first ten minutes Donna could not quite shake the impact his words, “What could possibly go wrong?” 

She eventually shook the feeling.  He was the Doctor after all.  If anything went wrong, he would be there to stop it.  She giggled to herself, “That man, he can talk his way into or out of anything.  He’ll be just fine.  Donna, stop worrying, this is supposed to be a vacation.” 

With that she allowed herself to relax completely and fell in to a blissful doze in the warm sunlight.

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Donna was wakened sometime later by a soft voice and then a gentle tapping of her shoulder.  She was not sure how long she had been asleep, but she was fairly certain the Doctor should not have been back yet.  She slowly opened her eyes and in front of her saw the young woman who had been their receptionist the day before.  “Ms. Noble,” the woman asked. 

Donna nodded slightly, there was something about the way this woman said her name that she did not like at all.  The receptionist continued, “You are staying here with Doctor Smith, correct?”  

Donna nodded slowly and swallowed trying to force the building panic away. The receptionist smiled kindly, “And you are aware that he took the tour to the sapphire waterfall?” 

Donna nodded again and bit the inside of her lip.  She continued kindly, “There has been a mechanical error so they will be returning sooner than expected.  Now, I don’t want you to worry, the emergency truck moves quickly, they should be back here in about 90 minutes.” 

Donna released the breath that she did not know she had been holding, “Is that all?” 

The receptionist nodded, “We’ll keep you apprised of their situation.” 

With that she left and Donna tried to get comfortable again. Being unable to really rest her mind, Donna found a magazine laying on one of the tables surrounding the pool, so she started to read it.  About forty-five minutes had passed when the same receptionist again entered the room.  This time she looked solemn and even tense.  Donna sat up immediately, “What’s wrong?” 

The woman’s voice was shaky and hesitant, “First of all, I want you to know that your friend will be returning.” 

Donna swallowed thickly, “What’s happened?” 

The woman nodded hesitantly as if she expected the question, “We’re not exactly sure.  All we know is that there were four deaths on the truck.  Doctor Smith was not one of them.  But we are going to have to interview everyone about what happened.  I’m just letting you know because you may not be able to see him right away when the truck arrives.”  

Donna nodded and the woman left.  The next forty-five minutes was the most agonizing time Donna had ever experienced.  To top it off, she felt like she was under ‘house arrest’ since they told her to stay where she was in case they needed to find her.  Finally, the receptionist came and spoke curtly, “You friend isn’t speaking, but we’ve been able to piece together some information from the other passengers.  He’s also refusing medical treatment, but from what the others have told us, it might be because of what happened on the Crusader.”  

Donna nodded, but thought, “ _More likely he doesn’t want anyone to know he’s a Time Lord_.” 

She was suddenly completely numb and wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around him to assure herself that he was as safe as the receptionist was saying.  The receptionist stated, “We will escort him here when he arrives.  If you get him to talk, we would like to know his side of the events.” 

Donna just glared at her and thought, “ _If the Doctor doesn’t want to share, he’s got good reason for it!_ ” 

The receptionist looked flustered and left the room. Donna paced.  She could not stop herself.  Suddenly all sorts of terrible images were going through her head about the four people who had died.  She started to make up reasons why the Doctor would remain silent.  But the more she thought about them, the more terrified she became.  She looked haphazardly at the magazine she had been reading earlier.  She felt disgusted with herself for having read it when creation-only-knew-what had been happening to the Doctor.  As the moments ticked away she started to curse herself for not going with him.  She was being selfish wanting to sunbathe.  “And I enjoyed it,” she said out-loud to herself, “Who knows what he was going through and I was sitting here wasting away under the sun.  Oh mum is right, I am worthless.” 

Donna was about to go off on another tirade on herself when she heard the door open on the other side of the room.  She looked over as the Doctor entered.  She slowly approached him.  He looked haunted and even a bit scared.  Whatever had happened on the truck, Donna knew with one look that the Doctor would never be the same again.  She had no words in that moment, so she offered what she could.  She gave him a hug.  At first he returned the hug only partially, as he had at the Library.  But then he grabbed a hold of her as if his life depended on it.  It took her by surprise at first, but then she just allowed it to be.  She said nothing, but kept thinking, “ _It’s alright, it’s going to be alright_ ,” as an unending mantra, hoping that he would use his Martian talents to pick up on it.

She was not sure how much time had passed.  In one sense, it seemed like hours and in another it seemed like mere moments.  He released her suddenly and even pushed her away a bit and spoke his first word since coming off the truck, "No!" 

Yelled would be a more accurate description.  His voice carried and echoed around the pool room.  Donna tried not to wince, but could not help herself.  He had never yelled at her like that before and even though she knew he was not yelling at her per se, it still stung.  She looked at him carefully and he seemed to be frightened by his own voice.  He placed a hand on his throat as if to check if it had been himself who had yelled.  Then he met her eyes and though he did not voice it, they spoke his, "I'm sorry" for him.

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Donna did not know what to do.  She reached out a hand, in an effort to take his, but the Doctor snatched it away.  He looked so scared, like he would run away any second.  His eyes grew large and if she did not know better, Donna would think he did not trust her.  She spoke softly, "I'm sorry.  I don't know what to do because I don't know what happened." 

She watched as he swallowed thickly and nodded his head.  He gestured to a sitting area.  Donna nodded, took a seat and watched as the Doctor removed his coat and sat down across from her.  Donna wanted to reach out and touch him, but was now afraid to.  And she suddenly realized that perhaps he did not let the medics look over him because he actually did not want to be touched. His hands were trembling, although his face bore the pretense of being calm. 

“Tea!” Donna suddenly exclaimed, “What we need is some tea.” 

The Doctor nodded as Donna got up and went to the service area and requested two teas.  When she returned the Doctor was leaning forward with his head cupped between his hands.  There was an expression he had that she had never seen before.  It came to her:  he looked _lost_.  Not just confused or out of place, but actually lost.  The trouble was if he was lost, she felt clueless about what to do.  He always knew what to do, even when he was making it up, he knew.  As she looked at him, Donna’s heart ached.  She presented the cup to him and she could see he was trying to control his trembles as he accepted it into his hands.  He held the cup between both hands.  Donna was unsure if this was to warm them or because it was something he could do with his hands.  She sipped her tea quietly.  A part of her was afraid if she pushed just now that he would run to the TARDIS and take off without her.  She decided that the Doctor would tell her everything in his own time and if he needed to sit here in silence, then that is what she would do.  Suddenly, nothing mattered but the Doctor and she would do whatever was in her power to help him.  She sat back in the chair a bit and took another sip of tea.  She then set it aside and just watched the Doctor for a few moments.

When the Doctor began to speak, it was almost like testing his voice.  His words were soft, slow and deliberate, “Four people died and there was nothing I could do.” 

Donna swallowed thickly, but said nothing.  She looked at him and waited for him to continue.  He set his cup down in silence.  When he finally felt like he could speak, he talked about how the space-truck had stopped.  He talked about how the creature had taken over Sky and how everyone else was panicking.  He told her about how the creature had taken him over as well and how it had taken his voice, making it impossible for him to speak.  He told her how brilliant the Hostess had been in sacrificing herself to save everyone else.  He did not tell her about the repeating, he just could not face that yet.  He also left out that they had tried to kill him as well. 

He was still jittery but was feeling much better for having told someone something.  He knew he would eventually have to tell Donna more, but for now, this was enough.  Donna sat in quiet thought a few moments and then asked him if he knew what it was. 

Donna was caught off-gaurd that he did not know.  She really did believe that he knew everything.  But, she responded by being practical for once and telling the Doctor that the company needed to be warned of the situation.  He agreed somewhat nervously.  Talking to Donna was one thing.  He was not sure he wanted to talk to any more strangers.  

Donna thought she had cracked through his shell when he seemed to collapse into himself again as he talked about the planet and the x-tonic sun and the silence.  So she went after the one thing that she thought would bring him back out, talking about his voice.  She said it lightly, almost playfully.  It served as something almost normal for them, "I can't imagine you without a voice." 

She could tell by his half-hearted smile that he knew what she was trying to do.  He played along and replied, "Molto-bene." 

She could not help the small smile of her own.  She had helped him weather this storm and so she echoed, teasing him a bit, "Molto-bene!" 

The Doctor’s expression turned cold and distant.  If Donna did not know better she might have thought he was rebuking her, the way a parent might to a child. She felt suddenly ashamed for having repeated him.  They sat in silence for a few minutes and it occurred to Donna that there might be some parts of the story he skipped.  She was afraid that if she did not know everything that she might do something to hurt him.  She did not know how to press the issue.  He did not want to be playful.  She knew she had to maintain control of her own emotions to help him with his. 

Donna knew he was not upset with her. Based on the updates she had received, she knew that he had told her more than he had said to anyone else.  For that, she was grateful.  But it did not help to ease the feeling that he was holding something back.  She met his eyes they were so haunted and hurt by her simply repeating his words.  She reached out so she could take his hands in hers.  He chose that moment to reach over and retrieve his now cold mug of tea.  She understood that he was avoiding touch, but she could not place the reason for it.


	5. Chapter 5

After a few moments of silence, Donna picked up her nerve.  If anyone could make the Doctor talk, she knew she could.  She started at a whisper, “You left some things out, didn’t you?” 

The Doctor met her eyes but remained silent.  His eyes told her not to press this issue, but this time she would not be deterred.  She held his gaze and stood her ground, “I want to help, but I can’t if I don’t know what happened.” 

She watched as his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down.  She knew he was trying to swallow whatever was haunting him.  She got up and moved to sit next to him on the lounger he was sitting on.  Donna carefully rested a hand on his shoulder and watched him intently.  He tensed but did not pull away.  She moved her hand across his back, aiming to pull him into her embrace.  At that point, he practically jumped away from her touch.  She sighed lightly and spoke more sternly than she intended, “Okay, something happened out there, because you never refuse a hug.  Out with it!” 

He was not facing her but she knew her words had an impact: his shoulders slumped and his head was lowered. 

Her heart sank as he remained silent.  She tried again by softening her voice, “Doctor?” 

She saw an almost imperceptible shake of his head.  His voice was barely above a whisper, “I can’t… I’m sorry, but I can’t.” 

Donna swallowed thickly, the Doctor sounded as lost as he appeared.  Donna remained silent for a few minutes and was startled when he spoke.  His words were so soft and small that had he not said her name, she would have missed them, "I'm scared, Donna." 

She matched her voice to his, "I promise you don't have to be afraid of me." 

He still did not face her, "I know.  At least I think I know.  But everything is all jumbled for me right now." 

She sighed lightly, feeling at a loss of what to say next.  After a moment she stood and walked to where he could see her.  She restrained herself from touching him and gestured to the lounger, "Well, at least sit down, you look like you're about to fall over." 

At that, he nodded and returned to his place.  Donna again sat across from him. Again, there was a return to silence.  There was nothing Donna could do but wait.  The Doctor just sat there in silence for a few minutes.  When he finally spoke, he did not raise his head, "They tried to throw me out." 

Donna tried to hold in her reaction but she could not help the, "What?" that escaped her lips. 

The Doctor met her eyes at last, he looked so scared, "On the truck, when the creature had taken my voice... a-and I couldn't move... They... T-they dragged me across the truck with the intent to throw me out." 

Donna covered her mouth with one hand.  She did not know if she was going to burst into tears or be sick at hearing the news that they had wanted to kill him.  "No wonder you don't want to be...," she began. 

But the look he gave her in that moment stopped her mid-sentence; it was dark and ominous.  She opted to try to keep him talking, "How did it happen?  I mean, if it only took you and that Sky woman, how?"

The Doctor scratched the back of his neck, as he often did when he was nervous or wanted to avoid whatever it was being asked of him.  Donna did her best to keep her mouth shut and her expression one of only openness and safety.  The dark shadow seemed to pass as quickly as it had appeared.  He sighed, "At first, it just watched us.  Then it started to repeat everything we said.  It did not matter who spoke or how quickly, it was able to repeat everything." 

Donna could see he was starting to shake and he had gone a bit pale.  He swallowed, "Everyone else started to panic... B-but then, she caught up.  There wasn't a delay she was talking in sync with us.  And everyone started to panic more.  I tried to calm them like I always do... only... I th-think that's when it happened, when she got my voice.  Only they thought that we were working together or that the creature had possessed me.  I-I couldn’t move…  And... They took hold of me... they were going to throw me out and there was nothing I could do because... just nothing." 

Donna had to force herself to not touch him as she saw horror, sadness and pain cross his features.  He was breathing heavily and she wondered if he was having a panic attack, which she would understand under the circumstances.  He gave her a few more details about how the Hostess had saved all of them and none of them even knew her name.  Donna knew the Doctor always wanted to know people’s names and was a bit shocked to hear this news.  She made a mental note to make sure to ask someone the name of the Hostess, if only to put the Doctor at ease later.  She reached out her hand, palm facing up.  She would not touch him, but she wanted him to know she was there, if he needed her.  He gingerly took her hand in his.  She brushed her thumb gently across the back of his hand, but he tensed up. 

She realized what she was doing and stopped, "Sorry." 

The Doctor only nodded but he seemed to relax a bit.  Then she realized, he probably felt okay touching her, but would have trouble if someone else was touching him.  She would have to be very careful, then, at least for today. After the Doctor relaxed a bit more, he spoke again, "Donna?" 

She met his eyes and then he continued, "I'm sorry I ruined your vacation." 

He offered a small, half-hearted smile.  Donna knew he was forcing the smile to be there, but she could not help the small smile that crossed her own features.  She shook her head, "You didn't." 

He nodded before he continued, "Still, I think I'm going back to the room.  You can stay here if you want, we don't have to leave until you're ready." 

Donna did not know how best to respond to that.  She simply nodded and watched as he got up and shrugged back into his coat.

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It took everything in Donna's power to let him walk towards the door on his own.  He always had a need to be in control and he had not had any since the day began.  She again cursed herself for not going with him like he had asked.  She watched him carefully and when he reached the door, she could see he was taking a deep breath.  He tucked his head slightly and glanced back to her.  She could tell he was trying to hide the fact that he was looking at her.  He still looked so lost that it made her heart lurch.  She could not stop herself.  She found herself seeking to be at his side.  He offered her a small smile as she approached, which she returned.  They exited the pool area together and he seemed to relax with her by his side. 

The pool room opened to the reception area.  Various guests were milling around.  There was a small family of three at the check-in desk.  Donna could tell, by the Doctor's reaction that he recognized them from the truck.  She had to force herself to remember not to touch him.  But, she did take a defensive stance next to him.  If they were going to try anything with him, they would have to get through her first.  If these people had been involved with harming the Doctor, she was going to do everything in her power to make sure they never got near him again.  She held her breath, a part of her hoping they would confront the Doctor so she could give them a piece of her mind.  The other part of her, hoped they would just stay away, for the Doctor’s sake.

The young man of the group started to walk towards them.  Donna figured he could not be much more than sixteen, at least in human years.  His face was sullen, but set on the Doctor.  The other two, obviously the boy’s parents, were trying to call him back to them.  Donna immediately did not like them.  Partly because of how they were yelling at the boy, but also because the Doctor was not tensing up as the boy approached.  Donna was still standing a bit defensively as the boy got closer.  She suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder and nearly jumped out of her skin.  She turned and met the Doctor’s eyes.  He only spoke two words, but his facial expressions told her everything she needed to know, “A moment?” 

She swallowed and nodded and stood against a wall that was not too far away.  She watched the exchange carefully; ready to spring into action, the moment things went wrong. The young man stood for a moment before him until he spoke, “Doctor.” 

There was something about the way he said the name that Donna could not identify.  “Jethro,” the Doctor stated in reply, his voice equally filled with emotion. 

Donna could see the tears welling in Jethro’s eyes.  She did not hear the rest of the conversation, but could tell from the muffled tones each of them was crying.  They hugged and as they did so, sank to the ground.  Donna could not tell whose knees had buckled first, but it was quite clear each of them needed this contact.  It was at that point that the couple who appeared to be Jethro’s parents approached.  Donna stepped away from the wall and stood in front of the pair, blocking the parents’ way.  Whatever confrontation was about to happen, she would not allow the Doctor or Jethro face it.

Donna placed herself about ten feet in front of where the Doctor and Jethro sat.  It was far enough away to give them privacy, close enough to keep an eye of them and timed so as to block the approaching couple.  As the couple continued their approach, Donna set her stance to be as formidable looking as possible.  She crossed her arms over he chest as an added measure.  The woman came up to her and tired to brush Donna aside.  Donna was having none of it, “Oi!  Watch where you’re goin’!” 

The woman took a step back.  She looked at the Doctor and her son and gestured towards them, “I was just getting my son.” 

Donna looked over her shoulder, then back to the woman, “Well, it looks like your son is busy right now.  So why don’t you go wait over there.” 

Donna gestured back to the desk. The man then spoke up, “Don’t you talk to my wife like that.” 

Donna just turned her gaze to him and stared him down.  To Donna’s credit the man stopped speaking and actually took a step back.  The woman tried to approach again.  Donna did not like her.  Not at all!  The woman said, “That’s my son and we’re going home, so just leave us be.” 

Donna looked at the parents, “I don’t know everything that happened out there, but I know enough.  So I’m gonna make sure those two are left alone until they are ready.  Is that clear?” 

The man looked over the situation and seemed to see they were at a stalemate, “Come on, Val.  We can sit over there and keep an eye on them.” 

Satisfied, Donna redirected her attention to the Doctor and Jethro.  The Doctor met her eyes and mouthed a “Thank you” to her.  His eyes were puffy and red with tears and she figured Jethro did not look much different.  She gave a nod in reply.  She hoped the Doctor would tell her about Jethro when he was ready.  That reminded her of something.  She stared down Jethro’s parents one more time letting them know she was keeping an eye on them.  She then walked over to the receptionist who had given her the updates.  “Excuse me,” Donna said, “But the woman on the truck, the Hostess.  What was her name?” 

The receptionist swallowed thickly before answering, “Anpaytoo.” 

Donna nodded and thanked her before returning to her vigil over the Doctor and Jethro.

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After another ten minutes, Jethro and the Doctor stirred.  They each helped the other up, but Donna remained at her post near the wall.  She watched as Jethro’s parents stood, but was glad they kept their distance.  She could tell the Doctor was giving what looked like a final set of instructions to Jethro; he even had his hand on Jethro’s shoulder.  Jethro nodded in reply and the two hugged again.  Jethro then went to rejoin his waiting parents and as they turned to leave, he faced the Doctor and gave a small wave in farewell.  As that was taking place, Donna had moved away from the wall and taken a place near the Doctor. 

Donna wanted so badly to hug him, but was afraid of how he might react to her.  Though the scene between he and Jethro seemed to go unnoticed, she was not sure something between the two of them would.  The Doctor stood there watching the family until they were out the front doors.  Then he turned to Donna, “So, back to the room, then?  The TARDIS won’t be ready to go anywhere until this evening.  Of course, if you’d rather return to the pool?” 

Donna shook her head and held a hand out to him, hoping he would take it.  The Doctor stared at her hand and the lost expression returned to his features, so she withdrew it and said, “It’s okay.  Just… I’m here if you need me.” 

The Doctor nodded his reply. The return to the room was quiet and uneventful.  Though, Donna noticed the Doctor kept looking around as if he expected to be pounced on at any second.  They entered their suite and without a word, the Doctor went to his room and closed the door behind him.  She stared at the closed door.  It looked ominous.  Never before when they had stayed on-world had the Doctor completely closed his door when they had separate rooms.  This time, there was not even a crack.  Donna tried not to think about what that could mean.  She thought he would start to feel better as time went on, but it just seemed he was walling himself off more.  She admonished herself:  _it had only been a few hours since he had been back, give the bloke some time!_

Donna sighed, went to her room to retrieve a book she had borrowed from the TARDIS library.  She smiled faintly as she picked up the Agatha Christie book, thinking about how even when he was being poisoned he had a spunk about him.  She sighed realizing all that had gone away.  She returned to the main sitting area.  She did not want the Doctor to know she was keeping an eye on him, but she did not want to be too far away either.  She was about to settle down to read when she realized that she was quite hungry.  She glanced at the clock and realized it was nearly tea-time.  In her worry, she had completely missed lunch. 

She did not want to leave the Doctor.  She got back up and crossed over to the desk at the other side of the room.  She flipped through the service folder to see what her options were for room service.  She glanced back up at the Doctor’s closed door, debating if she should see if he wanted anything.  She then made a decision.  She would treat him as if they were on the TARDIS.  Well, maybe being a bit gentler.  So she called down to room service and ordered a light meal for herself.  She figured the Doctor would refuse eating anything, but ordered him some toast and small bowl of soup, hoping she could get him to eat something.

Donna figured the Doctor deserved some warning, so she approached his door and knocked gently twice.  When she did not hear a reply, she knocked twice again.  She leaned her ear against the door, but still could not hear anything.  She knocked twice again and heard what sounded like a body falling off the bed and onto the floor.  She was worried this time and knocked rapidly three times.  She heard him retching, gave up being polite and burst into the room.  She saw him curled around the seat of the loo, still vomiting.  She approached slowly, like he was a wounded animal and asked, “Doctor?” 

She was not sure if it was hearing his name or just her timing, but he heaved again.  She had to swallow down the bile that was rising up her own throat.  With a shaking hand, she touched his shoulder and spoke again, “Doctor?” 

He moved suddenly and forcefully pushed her away.  She fell backwards through the door, but luckily did not hit anything on her way down.  Her head did bounce off the floor, luckily it was carpeted and softened her landing.  She was more dazed and shocked than hurt.  Although, her head was decidedly foggy as she tried to sit up.  She heard his soft, panic-stricken voice, “No, no, don’t move yet.  Give yourself a minute.” 

Donna tried to cover the sob that escaped her at the sound of his voice. She closed her eyes and heard him rinse out his mouth before flushing the toilet, he had been ill.  She heard him approach her hesitantly.  When she opened her eyes, he was leaning over her.  He looked so scared.  His hand was raised, as if to brush the stray strands of hair out of her face.  She tried to force herself not to flinch, but she did anyway.  “I-,” the Doctor began before swallowing, “I’m sorry.” 

Donna slowly moved to sit up.  At the same time, the Doctor huddled against the wall.  Donna did not stand up, instead, she propped herself up against the bed.  They just stared at each other for a long time.  Each terrified of what the other might say or do.  There was a gentle knock from the other room and they heard a voice say, “Room Service.” 

At that, Donna forced herself up and went to let them in.


	6. Chapter 6

Donna held her head a moment before opening the door, if for no other reason than to steady herself.  She let the staff in, but made sure they left again quickly.  She left everything on the cart and returned to the Doctor.  He was still huddled against the wall and her heart ached at the thought of what he must be going through.  He did not meet her eyes and his hands were covering his head, which muffled his words, "I'm sorry." 

She nodded her head slowly, but that made her dizzy, so she sat on the bed to watch him.  His breathing was haggard unlike she had ever heard it before.  He did not uncurl himself, but spoke softly, "P-Please... g-go." 

She swallowed thickly but spoke gently, "I ordered some room service... Toast and soup for you." 

She watched as one arm dropped from his head to his stomach and he shook his head, "No thanks." 

The hand that had been covering his stomach reached into a pocket and produced his sonic screwdriver.  He fumbled with a setting and aimed it at her.  She held her breath as he activated it.  She did not mean to, but she could not help herself.  The Doctor spoke quietly, "You have a mild concussion.  No sleeping until we're on the TARDIS, okay?" 

At that point, Donna decided against nodding, "Alright... You sure you won't join me?" 

When he did not reply, she decided to try to lighten the mood, "I know it's not the anti-gravity restaurant, but we can still wear bibs and I can throw food at you, if you want." 

She smiled softly as she noticed a very small smile toying with the corners of his mouth.  She pressed just a little bit further, "I knew you couldn't resist the idea of getting food all over yourself." 

A struggled chuckle made it way out of him, though it might have been a sob, it was hard for her to tell.  He unfolded himself from his position at the wall and stood, "I can't promise I'll be good company." 

She slowly cocked her head to one side, that was a mistake.  A hand went to her head, "Nor can I." 

He nodded his head and approached her with an extended hand.  He then snatched it back quickly, as if he might break her if he touched her.  " _Or_ ," she thought to herself, " _As if he might break if I touch him_." 

Donna stood slowly, her head now throbbed and she made her way out into the sitting area.  The Doctor followed behind, but made his way to the fireplace in the corner of the room and activated it.  He spoke softly and reflectively, "Fire.  It seems every culture in the universe places value on it: the light it gives, the warmth.  Light can dispel our fears and the warmth can make us feel safe." 

His words taper off into silence as Donna set up the cart in front of the couch near the fireplace. The Doctor turned to face her, "I'm sorry about earlier.  I should go back to the TARDIS... I'm..." 

She stared at him, "You're what?  Dangerous?" 

He did not meet her eyes, but nodded. 

Donna sighed, "No, you acted like anyone else might.  I was too much of a dumbo and tried to touch you after what you've been through.  Now, come over here and sit down before you fall over." 

He smirked sadly, nodded and sat down on the couch.  An uncomfortable silence settled between them.  Donna ate a bit of her meal and watched as the Doctor picked at a half-slice of toast.  He was more playing with it than eating it.  She spoke softly, "You should really try to eat it.  It could help calm your stomach." 

At that, he took a small bite, but Donna got the impression he was doing that more to quiet her than because he wanted to.  The silence returned, which bothered Donna and so she asked, "Do you think the TARDIS will be ready tonight?" 

He replied, "It doesn’t matter, I don’t want to stay here any longer." 

Donna frowned, it was very unusual for the Doctor to not be considerate to the TARDIS when she was recharging.  But Donna tried to cover her concern, "Oh, well then, we'd better pack up and get ready.  Do you want me to go with you when you tell them they should leave this place?" 

The Doctor paled at the question, if it was possible.  But, he met her eyes, "Yeah, I think that would help." 

Donna nodded and immediately regretted it, "Okay, but first.  You need to eat more.  I'm gonna go get dressed." 

He nodded. 

Donna watched him for a moment, "Doctor?" 

He turned to face her, but remained silent. 

She continued, "Can I give you a hug?" 

She watched his Adam's Apple bob up and down as he swallowed while considering his answer.  He nodded slowly. 

Hesitantly and slowly, Donna wrapped her arms around him.  Again, there was a pause before the Doctor returned it.  And again, when he finally did, he clung tightly to her, as if for dear life.  She heard his breath catch as he struggled not to cry.  She bit the inside of her lip to stop herself from saying anything.  After a few more minutes, the Doctor took a couple of deep breaths, "T-thank you." 

Donna pulled away from him slowly.  She looked into his eyes but brought her hands into her lap.  She spoke softly, "You looked like you needed it." 

The Doctor shook his head, "I meant, for asking; for giving me the chance to say no." 

It was all Donna could do not to wrap her arms around him again.  She nodded instead, which reminded her of her headache, "Anytime, Spaceman." 

He must have noticed her wince because he lifted his hand and rested it on the side of her head, "When we get back to the TARDIS, I can help you with that, okay?" 

She replied, "Okay," and left to change into clothes and pack.

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Donna came out of her room about thirty minutes later.  She was showered, dressed and had her suitcase with her.  She glanced around the sitting room for any of their belongings.  Seeing none, she turned her gaze to the Doctor's door.  This time, it was slightly ajar.  She did not want to risk knocking, as that had set him off before, so she stood in the crack and peeked in.  He was huddled on the bed, his body curled around one of the pillows.  Again, her heart wanted to reach out to him.  Instead she stayed outside the door and called in, "Doctor?" 

He hardly stirred. 

"Doctor?" she called again.  This time, she heard a sigh, so she cautiously entered the room, "I'm coming in, alright?"

The Doctor did not move as she entered.  She found the suitcase she had packed for him and then started glancing around the room for any items he might have taken out.  She spoke quietly, telling him what she was doing so as not to startle him, “I’m just going to pack your things up.” 

It did not take her long; most of the items he had unpacked had been in the bathroom.  She zipped up the suitcase and then took it out to the sitting room.  She returned to the bedside, this time she squatted to be eye-level with him.  His eyes were again wide with fear, but he did not seem to see her.  She spoke softly, “Doctor?  We can go now, if you’re ready.” 

He blinked absently a few times and then took in a sudden gasp of air, “Donna!” 

He sat up quickly and seemed his typical energetic self.  She just stared at him for a few moments and he turned to face her, “Right, then.  Time to go home?” 

She nodded dumbly and followed him as he energetically grabbed both suitcases.  He foolishly tried to get through the door with both of them and Donna had to stop him and take one of the suitcases herself.  They made their way through the halls to the front desk.  When they got there, Donna had to ask to speak to the manager.  The Doctor handled the meeting better than she expected.  He still did not reveal what had happened to him, but he laid out the case for why the company needed to vacate the planet and sooner rather than later.

The meeting did not go as well as they thought it would. The current plan was to not schedule anymore visits but to allow all current trips to happen.  This would mean visits for the next three months.  They did, however, agree that no more visits away from the palace would take place.  And they would leave at the end of the three months.  The Doctor nodded curtly and replied, “Then anymore deaths that occur on this planet are your fault!” 

With that, he stormed out of the office, with Donna close behind.  She grabbed their suitcases and followed him.  “Doctor,” she called out trying to keep up. 

He stopped and looked at her, “Sorry,” he mumbled, came back and took one of the bags from her. 

She rested a hand on his arm, just to get him to pay attention to her, “You did what you could.  And at least they are talking about leaving.  It’s a start.” 

The Doctor’s expression when dark, “They won’t leave unless more die.”  She nodded, “I know.  But you’ve done all you can.”

The Doctor stormed off again, heading in the direction of the exit.  Donna followed him.  She was a bit leery of going outside the building, in light of everything he told her.  But, she did not have another choice, since that was where the TARDIS was parked.  She watched as he stopped short about ten feet in front of the TARDIS.  She came up next to him, “Is everything alright?” 

He scratched the back of his head nervously, “Oh yeah.  Everything is fine…  Just, umm, would you mind opening her door?” 

Donna cocked her head as she stared at him, but there was something about his expression that made her not question him out-loud.  She took out her key and opened the door.  She looked behind her to see if he was following, but he was still standing there.  She shrugged it off and entered the TARDIS.  Donna was nearly knocked over by the force with which the TARDIS greeted her.  That did not help her headache, but she felt the TARDIS back away as soon as she sensed the injury.  Donna smiled at that, "Miss us?"  She asked. 

She felt the TARDIS gently caress the injury and a question formed in her mind about the Doctor.  Donna replied, "I'll go see about him, but I think he's in worse shape than me." 

At that, she felt a wave of sorrow come off the TARDIS.  It was like the TARDIS already knew something terrible had happened.  Donna rested a hand on the strut, "I'm sure with you and me to help him, he'll be okay.  I'll go get him."

Donna looked out the doors and saw the Doctor pacing as he does when he gets nervous or is trying to figure something out.  She went over, took his suitcase and moved it into the TARDIS.  Still the Doctor was standing there as if waiting for something.  "Well," she spoke as she approached him again, "Aren't you going to come inside?" 

She was trying to be light hearted, but something about the Doctor's expression made her stop.  She took a couple of hesitant steps towards him, "Come on Doctor, you'll he safe inside the TARDIS."  He followed her, although somewhat reluctantly.

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As the Doctor made his way up the ramp, he suddenly screamed, "NO!"  

Donna was startled and jumped which reminded her of her head.  She leaned against the jump set to support herself.  She noticed that he did not greet the TARDIS with a pat on the strut, nor did he caress the console in apology.  In fact, he was a bit aggressive as he hit a single button and released the hand brake.  The entire TARDIS shook violently and both he and Donna ended up on the floor.  Donna felt pain as the TARDIS experienced it.  It was, as if someone had reached into her chest and tried to yank her heart out.

The Doctor crawled over to retrieve a mallet and began to wildly beat the console.  Donna had never seen him lack control like this before.  His voice was strewn with anger, "Behave, I order you to behave!" 

She had a sense of fear and worry as she cried out, having felt each blow within herself, "Stop it!  You're hurting her!" 

That got him to stop and everything else around them went still and quiet.  Even the TARDIS' hum seemed to not exist.  It was a silence unlike any Donna had experienced in the control room.

The Doctor stared at Donna for a minute before she continued, "Doctor, she was still connected to the rift, you didn't give her a chance to disengage first." 

He raised a disbelieving eyebrow, "What do _you_ know of her?" 

Donna shrugged, "I-I don't know.  I just remember we were letting her rest and the rift would help her." 

The Doctor continued to look at Donna.  Again Donna had a twist of fear that ran through her.  But, she also knew the TARDIS would do everything possible to keep her safe.  The moment passed and the Doctor dropped the mallet.  It clanked when it hit the floor, breaking the silence.  It was as if the TARDIS had been holding her breath and as soon as he dropped the mallet, her comforting hum returned.

The Doctor did not meet Donna's eye, but his voice seemed calm and caring again, "Come on, med-bay.  We need to look you over properly." 

Donna swallowed and followed him.  The med-bay was further away than Donna remembered, but she figured the TARDIS was giving the Doctor a chance to calm down. She was also doing her best to explain to Donna what had just happened.  Through a series of images and feelings, Donna was able to piece the story together.  The Doctor did not just ask the TARDIS to back away or ease off her mental connection.  He did the mental equivalent of throwing her across the room and then he put up all his mental barriers giving her no access to him whatsoever.  Then, as she tried to make a connection, the Doctor’s mental barriers were doing the equivalent of shocking her.

Donna gasped slightly at the thought and the Doctor looked at her, "Is her presence hurting you?  Because if she is..." 

"No," Donna cut him off curtly, "But you need to not take your anger and fear out on her... on either of us!" 

She was a bit surprised at the anger and force in her own voice.  She noticed he swallowed thickly and nodded.  A few minutes later they found the med-bay.  He gestured to one of the beds and Donna got herself settled.  The Doctor was using a touch screen monitor to look Donna over head to toe.  The only injury, as the sonic had revealed, was the concussion.  He walked over to a cupboard and put some medicine in a hypo-spray.  Then he injected it into Donna.  He did all of this without saying a word.

To her credit, Donna showed that she still trusted him and allowed him to help her.  She immediately felt better and spoke as she tried to sit up, “Wow, what is that stuff?” 

The Doctor looked like he was about to rest his hand on her shoulder, but then did not, “Just lay still a bit, let it finish its job.” 

Donna sighed and settled back down.  He moved to sit on a chair that was a few feet away from the bed.  Donna looked at him, the lost look had returned to his eyes.  She rotated onto her side and tucked her hands under her cheek. Neither of them said a word for some time.  Even the hum of the TARDIS was barely registering. Finally when Donna could not stand it anymore she broke the silence, “Doctor, you said she’s sentient, right?  And you two are linked?” 

At first he did not look like he would answer, but then he nodded his head.  “So,” Donna continued, “If you’re not giving her access, what happens to her?”

The Doctor stared darkly at Donna for no less than thirty seconds before speaking, “You don’t need to worry about that.” 

Donna sat up at that point, “Oi!, Spaceman, if I’m traveling with you two and you’re having a quarrel and that puts my safety at risk, then I’m gonna worry about it!” 

The Doctor looked up at her and nodded again.  When he spoke his voice was barely audible, “I – I’m sorry.  I just…. I can’t Donna.  I can’t have her in my head right now.  It’s too… I just can’t,” he finished lamely. 

As he was speaking, Donna slid off the bed and started to walk towards him.  By the time he was finished, she was kneeling right in front of him.  She was about to touch him, but noticed him tense and decided against it. 

They remained like that for a bit:  Donna kneeling before him while waiting for him to say or do something.  Finally, he sighed deeply, “I know she won’t harm me, but having her in my head is too much like... I need to protect her from all of that.  Both of you deserve better." 

Donna stared at him for a minute and then nodded.  “Will you be alright,” she asked, “If I went to lie down for a bit?” 

The Doctor nodded, “Maybe we both could do with a rest.” 

He helped her to her room, which was now right across from the Med-bay, “Call me if you need anything.” 

She offered a faint smile, “You too?” 

He nodded, but somehow Donna knew that was only to calm her.  She waited a few minutes and then cracked the door open just slightly so she could listen for him.


	7. Chapter 7

Donna lay down and tried to get comfortable.  She was very tired, but her mind was racing.  So much had happened in such a short amount of time.  She did not want to be alone tonight, but she did not want to impose herself on the Doctor either.  She knew she should be focused on him, but the children had said such strange things… and now, the Doctor was behaving strangely as well.  He had good reason for it; however it still made her nervous. What if he disappeared on her as well?  She felt a nudge at the back of her mind, but felt it on her shoulder, as if someone was encouraging her to get out of bed.  She and TARDIS had been getting closer ever since she had gotten to pilot her, but this was the first time that the mental connection produced a physical manifestation.

Donna felt another insistent nudge, got up, put on her slippers and housecoat, “What are you up to, Old Girl?” 

When she turned to face the door that led to the passageway, she caught sight of another door.  It had never been there before, but she knew she was to use it.  She still approached it hesitantly, trying to brace herself for whatever she would find on the other side.  She turned the knob and slowly opened the door.  Something inside her told her she would find the Doctor on the other side, but she had not expected to see him like this.

He was standing there naked, with his pajamas draped over his arm.  He was facing the en suite, she thought he looked like he was about to take a shower.  However, he was not moving.  His stillness frightened her to the point that she barely registered his nakedness.  She cautiously approached him.  She whispered, “Doctor?” 

He did not acknowledge her.  She swallowed thickly; she did not want to touch him for fear of how he might react.  She again spoke, this time louder and with more insistence, “Doctor!” 

He still did not move.  Donna was slowly becoming panicked.  She waved her hand in front of his face to try to get his attention.  He did not even blink.  She was relieved that the way his pajamas were hanging on his arm that they protected his modesty. She swallowed and slowly rested her hand on the Doctor’s forearm, “Doctor, come on, let’s get you into the shower.” 

This time the Doctor moved but it was only to look at where her hand touched his arm.  She turned and ducked her head, trying to make eye contact with him, but to no avail.  She left him to stand there and went to start the shower.  She hoped the sound of it might snap him out of whatever he was experiencing.  She returned and the Doctor was still staring at his arm where she had rested her hand.  He had not moved at all.  She was afraid to actually grasp him in any way, figuring it would trigger some kind of violent reaction.  Instead, she gently rested her hand in the small of is back, as a way to escort him into the shower. 

The Doctor moved, slowly, as if in a trance, but Donna finally got him into the en suite.  She helped him put everything down and then moved him into the shower.  He still did not seem to snap out of it.  She was grateful for a shower and not a bathtub. She had no idea how she would have gotten him into a bath.  She let him soak under the stream of the water for a bit, took off her house coat and pushed the sleeves of her dressing gown up.  She got the soap and helped him to scrub his body clean and then she took some shampoo and washed his hair.  As she was rinsing his hair, she realized that she had no memory of doing this with her children.  Though she was certain she would have.  She had to choke back the tears and emotions that were surging through her.  Her sorrow would do the Doctor no good. 

Once he was rinsed of all the soap, Donna helped him out of the shower and wrapped him in a towel, then sat him on the loo.  She grabbed another towel and began to dry his hair.  It was at that point that he made the first voluntary movement since she had come to his room.  He wrapped his arms around her and rested the side of his head against her stomach.  He was again clinging to her for dear life.  When at last he spoke his voice seemed distant and small, almost like a child’s, “I can still feel it.  Please make it stop.” 

Donna’s heart leaped into her throat at the pleading she heard in his voice.  She lowered her arms to hold him, rubbing gentle circles over his back.  She was afraid if she spoke, he would hear how frightened she was.  After a few moments, when she was certain the Doctor would not be frightened off or push her away, she curled herself over him in a protective fashion.  She choked back a sob as it reminded her of how she had held Joshua.  When she was certain her voice wouldn't crack, she spoke, “It’s not here.  Just you, me and the TARDIS.  You’re safe here.  We’re in the vortex and nothing can get in.” 

Donna heard the strangled sob tear through him.  It was not long after that that he stopped fighting the emotions and he was crying unhindered.  She kept her voice soft and her caresses gentle while whispering words of comfort.  After a bit, his sobs slowed down to hiccups and came to a stop. Then, he noticed his state of undress and blushed just a bit as he spoke, “Thank you.” 

Donna nodded, but he continued before she could speak, “You’re soaking wet; you should change before you get cold.” 

Donna was relieved that he was speaking and moving normally again, “I will if you will?” She paused, trying to gauge his reaction, “Will you be all right on your own or do you need help?” 

His voice was small, but was reassuring, “I’m fine.  But Donna?”  She looked down at him as he continued, “Will you come back here?  After you’re changed?  I just….” 

His voice tapered off, she was pretty sure how that sentence would end, but she was not about to force him.  She nodded, “Yeah, I can do that, Spaceman.” 

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Donna left the Doctor to get dressed and went to change her nightgown.  It was mostly dried, but she figured he wanted some time alone.  She knew it was not easy to come to your senses and not understand what was happening and the confusion as the knowledge settled in.  That was how she had felt the other day, when she woke up from her sleepwalking.  Once she was changed, she again walked through the door that had appeared in her room.  She sighed with relief, as it led her back to the Doctor’s room.  She whispered, “Thank you,” to the TARDIS as she caressed the jamb and entered his room.

The Doctor was already in his bed, but he was lying on his side, with his back to the door she had used.  He was facing the main door to his room.  For a minute Donna thought about leaving and returning by that door so as not to startle him.  She turned to do just that when he spoke, “Its okay, I know you’re here.” 

Donna allowed a small smile to pass her lips and thought, “ _Of course he would know_.”  There was a chair next to the bed on the side he was facing, she crossed over to it and made to sit down.  She stopped when she saw his hand reaching out to her.  He looked so broken and distraught as she reached out her hand to take his.  Again, she caught herself swallowing a lump in her throat. 

The Doctor said nothing, but tugged on Donna’s hand indicating what he wanted.  She nodded in reply and joined him in the bed.  He moved over and she lay down so she was facing him.  They were quiet for a long time, each looking into the other’s eyes.  She debated what to do.  In that time, she wanted nothing more than to reach out and stroke his hair; however she was terrified of how he might react.  As she watched him, it was as if she could see and feel him folding into himself, farther and farther.  She nearly panicked, because she did not know what any of this could mean.  His eyes met hers for a moment and he spoke, barely above a whisper, “Resting.” 

She knew that should have calmed her fears, but in so many ways, it made them that much worse. 

Donna watched as the Doctor closed his eyes and she could tell that his entire body went lax.  She decided that she would risk whatever his response might be and she rested a hand on the side of his face, gently stroking the hair that grew along his cheekbone.  He seemed to relax even further at that point.  She smiled a bit to herself, at least she felt like she was doing something to help.  It was not long before she felt her own eyelids grow heavy and she drifted off to sleep as well.

Donna woke sometime later feeling rested.  She opened her eyes and glanced about a room that was not hers.  She gasped a bit as she realized she was in the Doctor’s room.  She slowly turned her head, expecting to find an empty bed.  But, he was lying there, now on his back.  It was strange, but it did not look like he was sleeping.  She could not identify what it looked like, but it was different from sleep.  Then she recalled his last word from the night before, “Resting.”  She nodded to herself, “ _Yes, that does look like resting_.”  She carefully extracted herself from the bed and turned to look at him again, once she was standing.  He had not moved at all.  She wondered briefly if it was possible to wake him, or if it was one of those alien bits he had control over.  She decided that her body was not going to wait for an answer and she went to her room to freshen up and change her clothes. 

After her shower, Donna rummaged though her drawers.  She decided to go for comfort today.  They would not be traveling anywhere until the Doctor and the TARDIS had patched up their problems.  She pulled some sweatpants, a printed jumper and the jacket that matched the sweatpants.  Then she put her slippers back on.  She went to the door that led to the Doctor’s room and cracked it open, he had not moved.  She watched the steady rise and fall of his chest for a few moments, before closing the door again.  She was hungry.  She just hoped the kitchen was not too far away.  She knew he had nightmares and although she figured he would not have any in the state he was in, she did not want to be too far from him, just in case.

She exited her room through her original door and was pleased to see the kitchen across from her room, the Doctor’s room creating a dead-end to the hallway was between her room and the kitchen.  She cracked the door to his room open so she could keep an ear on him, though she was fairly certain the TARDIS would alert her to any changes or troubles the Time Lord might have.  She entered the kitchen not feeling entirely hungry once she got there.  Still she pulled out some bread for toast and started up the kettle for tea.  Even if she was not going to eat for herself, she knew she had to keep up her strength for the Doctor.  It felt strange to her to eat without the Doctor, knowing he was in the other room.  She hated it more than she wanted to admit, but partially because without him jabbering away, she was left to her own haunting thoughts.  She was left with thoughts about the Library, about Lee and the kids.  She choked back a sob by finishing off her tea.  She then cleaned up her plate and mug.  She checked on the Doctor and noted he was still “resting.” 

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Donna left the Doctor alone, but wondered what she should do with herself.  She decided to do just a bit of exploring.  Not too far, she wanted to be able to hear the Doctor.  Truth be told, she felt like she was going a bit mad.  The only bit of comfort she had was the hum of the TARDIS, but not even that was quieting her mind.  She had lost Lee, Joshua and Ella and had now nearly lost the Doctor.  It was more than she could bear.  She started walking down the passageway as she thought about the Doctor and everything he had lost.  She gasped as she realized when that creature took possession of him, he had truly lost everything.  Not just his voice but his very essence.  She had to choke back a sob and lean against the wall for support.  All she wanted was to feel better, but none of this was helping.

Not far away, a door she had never noticed before opened.  She pushed herself away from the wall and went to investigate.  She gasped slightly as she looked in the room.  It was just like Joshua and Ella’s nursery.  Donna walked in not really believing her eyes.  She walked over to the bed and picked up Ella’s pillow and held it to her nose.  She was able to breathe in the sent of her.  For the first time since the Library, Donna had a sense of calmness.  It may have been created in her mind, but it was real.  She put down Ella’s pillow and smiled.  She was about to do the same with Joshua’s pillow when she heard a cry.  _Felt_ a cry would be a more accurate description.  A part of her wanted to stay in the comfort and security that this room offered.  But the cry was quickly turning into a scream. 

Donna left the room, closing the door behind her and hoping that she would be able to find it again later.  As she entered the passageway, the screams became nearly deafening and there was no mistake that they were coming from the Doctor’s room.  Donna took a deep breath to steal herself for what she might find when she entered his room.  She pushed open the door.  The Doctor was entangled in the bedclothes and he was still screaming even as he was fighting something other than the sheets and blankets.  Donna could feel a shift.  The TARDIS wanted her to do something.  Donna replied, "But I don't know what." 

A voice pleaded, no begged, " _Help him! I cannot._ " 

Donna nodded to the voice she was briefly reminded of Miss Evangelista in the Library.  That was the worst thing Donna had ever experienced.  She was not sure she could do it again.  She felt an encouraging nudge at the back of her mind.  She looked up at the ceiling, "Okay, fine. I'm going." 

Donna cautiously approached the still screaming Doctor.  She took in how he was drenched in sweat.  Until this, she did not know that Time Lords even had the ability to sweat.  She was glad it was clear, like human's, instead of green or purple or some other color.  As she got closer, she noticed if she could pull one corner of a sheet just so, it would free one of his legs.  She reached out, her hand shaking with fear.  She kept an eye on his movements and wrapped her fingers around the material and as the Doctor moved one direction she pulled the other, freeing his leg.  That still left his other leg and one arm pinned down.

She sighed and tried calling to him over his screams, "Doctor?  Doctor, it's me, Donna.  Doctor?  Can you hear me?" 

He did not respond, though with his leg free, he was thrashing about more wildly than before.  Donna looked at the ceiling, "Can't you help him?" 

The reply she got back was thick with sorrow and she realized the Doctor was still blocking the TARDIS.  Donna sighed, a bit exasperated.  She swallowed all her nerves down and was about to touch him when she noticed the sonic screwdriver on his desk.  Normally, she would not dream of touching it.  But nothing had been normal in quite some time.  She walked over and picked up the sonic.  He had only shown her one or two settings on it, but the one would be enough to make noise and hopefully wake him up.  

Donna walked back to the bed and aimed the sonic at a wall, then activated  it.  The whirling sound was louder than usual and she wondered if the TARDIS was helping with that.  She was planning to leave the sonic to be activated for a ten-count, when she got to eight the Doctor suddenly sat up and grabbed the sonic out of her hand.  Donna was startled and took a couple steps away from him.  The Doctor was fully focused on the sonic, "Donna!  What have I told you about touching things when I'm not around?" 

His voice was horse from all the screaming he had been doing, otherwise, Donna was pretty sure it would have sounded less annoyed and more angry.  The Doctor became aware of his surroundings and started muttering to himself, "Well, it doesn't seem broken.  Blimey I'm all soaked.  Donna, what did you do to me? And why is my voice all... scratchy?" 

Donna just looked at him, dumbfounded.  She could not tell if his quick changes were because he was now fully awake or because he was trying to hide something.  Either way, she was wishing at that moment that she could blend into her surroundings, or disappear altogether.  Once the Doctor was done looking over the sonic, he got out of bed and placed the sonic back on his desk.  He passed Donna without saying a word and then turned back to face her.  He practically growled, "Get out." 

His voice was low and dangerous and Donna was again reminded that he was an alien.  She did not speak.  But she slowly backed away from him and out the door.  She closed the door behind her and made her way to her bedroom. 

Once Donna was in her bedroom, she closed the door and did something she normally would not.  She locked the door.  The door to the Doctor's bedroom that had appeared was still there.  Donna was relieved to find a lock on that door as well.  As she was turning away from the door, she heard the shower in the Doctor's room going.  She left him to it, climbed into bed and then cried herself to exhaustion and finally sleep took her.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was re-edited from a one-shot. Also, two chapters today, since I missed yesterday!

She did not know how much time had passed.  Time was always difficult to gauge on the TARDIS and even more so when they were in the Vortex.  She looked around her room and made up her mind.  What she needed more than anything else right now was Gramps, even if that meant putting up with her mum for a few days.  She found a small overnight bag and began to pack.  She knew she still had plenty of clothes at home, so she did not need to pack much.  It would be a matter if the Doctor and the TARDIS could cooperate enough to get her home.  She had gotten better at piloting, though, so if he just watched her, she figured she could get there.

She made her way to the Control Room hoping to see the Doctor along the way, but never did.  She set her bag near the doors then rested her hand on the Central Column, “Where is he, Girl?” 

An image came to Donna’s mind of a room she had never seen before.  Not that this surprised her, but the Doctor did.  He had a bottle in his hand that every now and then he would take a drink from.  Donna gasped she just knew something was wrong, “How do I get there?” 

All the lights in the Control Room dimmed, but some of the lights in the hallway seemed brighter.  “Thank you,” Donna spoke as she started running down the hall.  It was not long before she was standing in front of a door that she knew led to the room she had seen in her mind.

Donna tapped on the door lightly, more so she would not startle him than to request permission to enter.  Even though she did not hear a reply, she turned the handle and opened the door.  She swallowed thickly as she approached and spoke softly, “Doctor?” 

He did not face her and did not seem to be answering her as he spoke, “Nectar from the Noxious Alumroot flower on the planet Perabis.” 

She recognized that tone; it was the same one he had used when he was telling Jenny of the Time Lords.  He was speaking in spite of himself.  He was staring at the wall on the other side of the room, but Donna could tell he did not see it.  He continued softly, “It serves as a relaxant and telepathic inhibitor.” 

By this time, Donna had made her way around the chair he was sitting in and she was standing in front of him.  She swallowed at the lump rising in her throat.  She knelt before him, making her eyes nearly level with his, “Doctor… What is this about?” 

He seemed to be looking through her as he replied, “So many give their lives...”  He actually met Donna’s eyes this time, “No one even knew her name.” 

She nodded her head, “Anpaytoo.” 

The Doctor did a double-take and asked, “What?” 

Donna smiled softly, “Her name was Anpaytoo.” 

The Doctor laughed, it was thick and sarcastic.  Donna said nothing, but raised an eyebrow as he spoke, “Anpaytoo?  The Sioux Indians translate that name as ‘Radiant.’  And she was, Donna, she saved us all.  She saved me.” 

He went to raise the bottle to his lips.  Donna stayed his hand, by gently resting her hand on his wrist.  “Then why,” she began, taking the bottle away from him, “Are you insistent on throwing away the gift she gave you?”

The Doctor let Donna take the bottle, but other than that, he shrugged her off.  He sighed, “I just… need quiet for a bit." 

Donna nodded, “And so do I, so I have an idea… We’ll go to visit Gramps.  He loves you to bits and we have a spare room.  You can just be a regular bloke on holiday with his best mate.” 

He grimaced, “But… Donna, that means staying with… your mother." 

Donna nodded in agreement, took out her cell phone and walked out of the room.  She took the bottle with her, deciding it cannot be good for the Doctor if it does what he claims.  She rang home and she sighed with relief when Gramps picked up.  She asked him if mum was going on any of her little trips soon and for how long.  Gramps told her that Sylvia left that morning and would be gone a week.  Donna explained that she and the Doctor just needed a bit of a rest and would it be alright if they came home for a few days.  Wilf was overjoyed at the prospects, so everything was set.

Donna returned to the sitting room with a gentle smile on her lips, “Alright, its set!  Mum has gone away for a few days on one of her trips and you know how Gramps is… we’ll be well cared for.” 

The Doctor was not as enthused as Donna had hoped.  He looked blankly and spoke in monotone, “No, I don’t want anything bad to happen there.” 

Donna knelt before him again and took his hand, “It’ll be okay, weird stuff happened all the time on Earth when you weren’t around and we did just fine.  We’ll stay close to the house.  Besides I really need some time with Gramps.”

The Doctor sighed, “Oh, alright.” 

Donna beamed and helped him to stand and they made their way to the Control Room.  As they went, Donna tried to encourage the Old Girl to be gentle with the Time Lord.  She was sure the TARDIS would be more helpful, but she could feel the distance between the pair and that bothered her.  The Doctor’s steps slowed as he approached the console room, until he was actually dragging his feet.  He turned to face Donna, “I – I forgot something back in my room, I won’t be but a tick.” 

She nodded and continued her way to the console room.  A part of her wondered if she should follow him, but if he was freshening up, she did not wan to bother him either.

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When ten minutes passed with no sign of him, Donna began to debate what she should do.  She knew he was hurting… But she was too, which was the point of the whole thing.  She glanced up at the Central Column, even the TARDIS seemed to be subdued to match his mood. Donna sighed, "Guess it's just you and me, Girl."

Donna felt an affectionate brush across her mind.  Donna rested her palm flatly against the column, "Is there any way I can get him to get me home?"

She felt the TARDIS consider her question. After a few minutes, one of the buttons on the console began to flash and Donna got the distinct impression she was to press it. She glanced around the control room, but the Doctor was nowhere in sight. She called to him and waited for a reply, but none came. Although she was more confident in her piloting abilities, she was afraid to do anything without the Doctor standing there. The flashing was insistent and the impression in her mind encouraging. She swallowed thickly and pressed the button.  The change in the ship brought the Doctor running to the control room, "Donna! What did you do?"

Donna said, "I pressed that button."

The Doctor's eyes went large for a moment, "I told you not to touch anything without me around, why would you do that?"

The Doctor was dashing madly around the console looking for any indication of things that might go terribly wrong. Donna shrugged, "She told me to..."

The Doctor replied, "She told... She? She who?"

Donna pointed up and said, "Why? What did I press?"

Once the Doctor was satisfied with the readings, he replied, "That one happens to be a pre-programmed button: Earth Random. So we're going to somewhere, some WHEN on Earth." 

"Well," Donna sighed with relief, "Earth's not so bad, a bit closer to Gramps that way."

The Doctor watched all the monitors, but he knew everything would be alright. He was angry that Donna had touched anything without him there, but knew the TARDIS could be very... persuasive. The Materialization Sequence began...

When they stepped out, he knew it was not as random as he would have wanted. The TARDIS had placed them in a space that looked so like Gallifrey, it nearly broke him. Oh, it was Earth: green grass, blue skies, that human-y smell that only comes from one planet... but the location. The way the land became hills and the mountains rimmed the edges always reminded him of home. He knew there was no use arguing with her because he knew why she had brought him here: and she was forcing him into something he did not want to do.

He had avoided thinking about it for so long... and now, he had to face what he had done; because everything was his fault. Besides with everything that had happened with Jenny, then Donna losing her ‘family’ at the Library, and now Midnight, he realized Donna just might be the first companion he has had who could handle the information. Still, he did not feel ready, so with heavy hearts, he turned to enter the TARDIS once again. But, just at that moment, Donna was stepping out with a blanket and a picnic basket.

"I think the TARDIS wants to stay a bit," Donna said, cheerfully, if a bit carefully, "Come on, Space-man."

It was at that moment that the Doctor realized Donna understood something important was about to happen. In her typical Donna fashion, she was doing everything she could to make him feel as comfortable as possible. When they were settled down she met his eyes with nothing but compassion. "She knows how to pick 'em," Donna said, "This place is beautiful."

The Doctor repeated without enthusiasm, "Ya, beautiful. And chosen on purpose."

Donna raised an eyebrow. The Doctor sighed, "The colors are different here, the smells are Earthy, but this isn't all that different from the place where I grew up."

Donna glanced around her, "Really? A place on Earth looks like Galefri?"

The Doctor smirked sadly as he corrected her, "Gall-if-RAY."

She nodded, "Sorry."

He shrugged, "It's alright."

"But," she continued, "This place looks like it?"

The Doctor nodded, "Well, the grass should be red, the sky orange and the leaves on the trees silver, but yeah, actually it does look quite a bit like it."

Donna leaned back on her elbows trying to imagine the place around them with the colors the Doctor had just described. "It must have been beautiful," she sighed after a time.

The Doctor only nodded. They returned to their companionable silence.  After a time, Donna spoke again, "You said she chose it on purpose?"

The Doctor nodded, "Sometimes when I need to feel safe, I come here. It's the closest thing I have now to the real thing."

Donna turned to face him, "What about the Gardens?"

The Doctor was looking at some far off point, "They're alright, but it's not the same as feeling the pull of gravity or feeling the planet turning beneath my feet, or butt in this case."

He flashed her a smile, but it did not reach his eyes.  Donna did not know how to continue, "So, you come here to feel safe? Why would you need to feel safe right now?"

Donna had her suspicions that it was related to Midnight or even Jenny's death, but did not want to pressure him to talk about something he was not ready to. He had revealed so much about himself when Jenny had been around.  Not just about the kind of father he had been, but about everything he had lost.  The Doctor sighed, "Because the TARDIS has decided that I'm ready to tell someone about the War. Or more specifically what I did to end it."

Donna shifted uncomfortably, she was not sure she wanted to be the one to hear this story. The Doctor shifted so that he was looking at her, "Remember Pompeii and the Pyrovillian? And what I.... What you helped me to do? The choice that had to be made?"

Donna shuddered slightly while nodding.  Suddenly, tears streamed down Donna's cheeks as she realized the implications of what the Doctor had just asked. Her voice broke, "That was the same decision you were faced with before... during the War?"

A single tear slid down the Doctor's cheek and he offered a slight nod.

Understanding crossed Donna's sad features, "And that's why you always give them a choice... why choice is so important to you... Because you had none."

The Doctor sighed heavily, "Oh I had a choice: It was the Time Lords and Gallifrey; the Daleks and Skaro or the whole of creation."

If the situation were not so serious Donna would have smirked at that. Instead she stated it plainly, "That's not much of a choice."

The Doctor only shrugged.

She rested a hand on his shoulder, "Tell me?"

The Doctor looked at her as if she was holding a fire-hot poker. He shook his head. She held his gaze and repeated, "Tell me."

"Donna," he said, half whining and half warning, "After what happened with the Ood Song? This is worse, so much worse than that." Donna squeezed his shoulder, "That was different, it was like they were in my head. I don't want you to show me. I want you to tell me."

This is why the Doctor loved Donna so much, she knew her limits but was not afraid to push them. And she certainly was not afraid to push anyone else's. That, and they were mates. She was not afraid to have him in her head the way Rose was. Donna just accepted him as the alien space-boy, with all his abilities and now, she was starting to understand, pain and suffering. He did not know why he was delaying. Donna was brilliant, she had already pieced together so much of the story. But she wanted to hear it... from him... and that terrified him more than anything. He was afraid if he opened up this part of himself it would be like Jenny: the second he did, he would lose her forever. Donna was not someone he could lose.

She was not a Time Lord, but with her ability to hold him in check and accountable, she may as well be. He sighed as he realized that was another aspect he really liked about her: somehow she understood that she was as alien to him as he was to her. There was never any fear or doubt on her part, just unceasing acceptance. That acceptance warmed and lit even the coldest and darkest parts of himself.

He slowly met her eyes and her gaze burned away all his resistance. He started barely above a whisper, "You're right... It wasn't a choice. The Universe took - takes precedence over everything else. Unlike Pompeii, it wasn't a button."

Donna raised an eyebrow.

" _Ah, humans and their technology!_ " he thought, " _They always,_ always _presume it was a button._ " A button was too cold and distant for the Time Lords, no, they demanded total sacrifice for that weapon. He continued, " _The Moment_ was a weapon of last resort. Time Lords are telepathic. And in order to use that weapon..." He broke off, overcome with emotion, but holding in enough so as not to cry.

Donna's eyes went large as she began to comprehend what the Doctor was saying. He swallowed and continued, "Using it had to be an act of the will. A conscious decision."

Tears welled in Donna's eyes, "I'm sorry, I never..."

She could not finish her statement, knowing no words could balm the deep wounds that had undoubtedly been left behind. The Doctor made no move, neither to comfort Donna, nor to allow himself to be comforted by her. "I didn't expect to live... I wasn't supposed to. That weapon was supposed to destroy everything."

Donna's hand moved across his back and rested on his other shoulder, pulling him in to a side-hug. He did not say any more... he could not. There was something about the casual gentleness of Donna's hug that broke something within him. 

He cried.

He cried for hours, it seemed. Donna was her brilliant self, crying with him, but quietly enough to join with him in his sorrow and not distract him from it. 

When his tears had slowed to quiet hiccups, Donna spoke gently, "So, it's not that some part of you died with them like you said before... You had to consciously remove it... For the sake of creation, you had to kill that part of yourself. So with Jenny... Oh, Doctor, I am so, so sorry."

The Doctor allowed himself to be comforted by Donna's arms, even though he had no more tears. Donna took his cheek in her palm and brushed the remaining tears away with her thumbs. "What you're feeling now, though, proves something, Doctor."

He met her eyes. She continued, "It proves that you're not dead... that part of yourself is still alive, if it weren't, it wouldn't hurt."

The Doctor let Donna's words sink in before he responded. He was searching her eyes for some indication of her meaning, because he was not sure he wanted to believe what she was saying. He could find no words to adequately express what was running through his mind. Finally, he settled on, "Donna Noble. Thank you."

After a bit more silence as each recollected themselves, Donna set out the picnic and they ate to their fill. After they cleaned up, the Doctor picked up the basket and Donna took the blanket. The Doctor offered her his arm as they were going to return to the TARDIS. He paused taking in his surroundings, "You're right Donna. It really is beautiful here.  And I think it's time for your trip home."


	9. Chapter 9

The Doctor entered the control room and with clinical precision set the coordinates.  They would materialize at the top of the hill that Wilf used for star gazing.  Being clinical about it allowed him to have enough connection with the TARDIS to get to the proper location.  He still was not comfortable with it, maybe Donna was right, maybe a quiet visit to earth was in order.  For her part, Donna was pleading with the TARDIS to make it a smooth ride.  Donna felt they could all use a break from each other and she wanted it to start on the right foot.  Once the materialization sequence was complete, Donna sent the Doctor to his room to pack a bag for himself while she started to set the TARDIS in stand-by mode. 

The Doctor returned about ten minutes later with a suitcase and a grin.  Donna smiled at that, "So, you ready, then, Spaceman?" 

The Doctor nodded, but then froze when he got to the door.  He turned back to Donna and shook his head.  Donna reached out her hand and took his, "It'll be alright, it's just Gramps, remember?" 

She watched as the Doctor swallowed hard.  Donna reached for the door, then the Doctor's hand and then spoke light-heartedly, "Come on, I promise I'll protect you from the Earthlings." 

She smiled gently, but it faded when she saw the Doctor turn pale.  She retracted her statement, "I-I'm sorry, Doctor.  I didn't mean... Look, it'll just be you, me and Gramps, alright?" 

She could feel his hand become clammy and start to noticeably shake.  She gave it a reassuring squeeze.  She watched as he swallowed again and gave a slight nod.  She opened the door before he could change his mind and the pair walked out. 

Wilf was making his way to the top of the hill as Donna and the Doctor were exiting the TARDIS.  The Doctor pulled the door shut behind him as the pair caught sight of him.  Wilf beamed at the sight of his Granddaughter, "Well, get over here, girl and give your Gramps some love!" 

Donna needed no more encouragement and rushed into his arm, "Oh Gramps, I missed you!" 

Wilf looked at the Doctor with a question in his eyes, but saw something in the Doctor's expression that redirected his attention to his Granddaughter, "There, there, now.  I'm here it'll all be right as rain." 

They slowly released each other and Wilf turned his direction back to the Doctor, "It's an honor to have you stay with me, sir." 

Then Wilf embraced the Doctor.  The Doctor stood stock still and made no effort to return Wilf's hug.  After a couple of moments, Wilf let him go.  

Donna was impressed with the Doctor's efforts, she knew that was not easy for him.  Wilf grinned and started down the hill, "Well, come on, let's get you settled, then we can sort something for tea." 

It was impossible to not get caught up in Wilf's enthusiasm and Donna caught a small smile on the Doctor's lips.  She smiled in return and reached her hand out to him.  She received a shake of the head in reply.  She nodded, but felt a bit strange to walk somewhere without his hand being in hers.  She took hold of Wilf's hand instead and the Doctor followed behind carrying their bags.  She showed him to the spare bedroom while Wilf got Tea going.  Then she went to get herself settled in.  

After about ten minutes, Donna heard a light tapping on the door.  She replied, "Come in." 

The Doctor entered and looked around.  Suddenly, she felt like she was being analyzed for her 'companion worthiness' on the basis of what he saw in her room.  He walked over to a set of bookshelves and sitting prominently on one of them was a broken clay piece that he recognized as being from Pompeii.  He lightly brushed it with his fingers, remembering how Donna so willingly decided to share in his Time Lord burden that day.  She came and stood beside him, "I wanted to have something here to remind me of our travels, so that way anytime I was home I'd have a piece of that with me." 

He didn't look at her, but absently replied, "But why something from that trip?" 

She reached out and touched it, "Because it was something that Mum would never ask about." 

She shrugged, "It seemed like the safest thing." 

The Doctor nodded, met her eyes and offered a small smile.  A couple minutes later, they heard Wilf calling them down for tea.  They went to the kitchen and sat down to a meal of chops and gravy.  Conversation was kept lighthearted.  Donna watched the Doctor carefully and smiled when she noticed he was eating all of his meal.   When they were through with tea, Donna and the Doctor washed up, since Wilf had cooked.  Wilf stayed in the kitchen to keep company with them as they cleared up.  After a few minutes, the Doctor was the one to chase Donna and her Gramps to the sitting room while he finished up.  Donna looked like she was going to argue, but then saw the look in the Doctor's eyes and thought better of it.  He obviously wanted to be alone and this was the best way without raising suspicions with Wilf.

Donna left him to it and followed her Gramps.  He sat in his recliner while she took the couch, curling her legs beneath her.  Wilf looked at her for a bit, "So, what brings this unexpected visit?" 

Donna smiled at him, though a bit sadly.  He had been the one to encourage her to travel, she did not know how to explain the difficulty that had befallen them.  And she especially did not want to talk about it when she could still hear the Doctor paddling about with the dishes.  Wilf's smile floundered as he watched her waiting for a reply.

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Donna heard the water turn off in the kitchen and so waited.  A few moments later the Doctor poked his head around the corner.  He caught sight of Wilf and Donna and knew he would be interrupting an important conversation.  This is, after all, one of the reasons why Donna wanted, no needed, to come home.   He spoke softly, "I hate to eat and run, but I think I'm going to head upstairs, get cleaned up and do a bit of reading." 

Donna nodded absently, while Wilf replied, "Did Donna show you where everything was?" 

The Doctor nodded, "I'll be fine." 

He did not want to get Donna into any trouble while they were putting him up, so he did not lie, just told the truth without answering Wilf's question.  She smiled softly and gratefully at his response.  He could find his way around a bathroom fairly easily.  He left the pair alone and went upstairs to try to relax. 

Donna played with the rings on her fingers for a few more minutes.  A part of her wanted to make sure the Doctor was well out of ear-shot.  Though, she presumed he had exceptional hearing, so she did not know what she was waiting for.  A part of her knew he would not listen in on this conversation anyway.  For all his alien bits, he still respected some family dynamics and he seemed to understand her relationship with her grandfather.   Finally, she took a deep breath, looked up and met Wilf's eyes for a brief moment before returning her gaze to her rings again.  When she spoke, she did not meet his eyes, "You told me to bring home some of the stars.  But some of them are so dangerous, Gramps." 

Wilf just looked at her quietly and waited for her to continue. Donna looked up at her grandfather and before she could stop herself she was telling him about all the horrible things that had befallen the Doctor since Wilf had encouraged her to travel with him.  She left out the events that had happened to her.  She needed the reassurance that she was doing right by the Doctor and the only way to know was to focus on him.  Wilf listened patiently until she seemed to be done.  He could tell she was holding back tears, so he moved to sit next to her on the couch and held open his arms as he spoke, "Oh my poor girl, come here." 

She needed no more encouragement, she flung herself into Wilf's protective embrace and sobbed quietly.  Even now, she was so worried about the Doctor worrying about her, she could not let herself cry properly.  He kissed the top of her head, "I love you my dear, you know that.   But don't you think you should tell him these things?"

Donna shook her head "no" even as she was leaning against Wilf's chest.  When she spoke her voice was think with tears, "It'll make him worry, Gramps.  He's got enough to worry about without worrying about me." 

He hugged her tighter, "But that's what mates do:  they worry for and take care of each other." 

She took a shuddering sigh, "I don't know how to help him." 

He gave her an extra squeeze, "Right, well you brought him 'ere and your old Gramps will help you to make him right as rain!  But first.  To bed with you!" 

Donna made to argue, but he interrupted, "And no arguments!  You need looking after yourself, so get on with you.  After we've all had a good rest things will look different in the morning!  You'll see!" 

Donna sighed and moved out of Wilf's embrace.  Once she was standing, she turned around and kissed him on top of his head.  "Good night, Gramps," she said softly. 

He grinned up at her, "Good night, sweetheart." 

He watched her as she dragged herself up the stairs.  He suspected that she had not told him everything.  He could see her pain and concern was about more than just the Doctor.  For her part, Donna was a bit on auto-pilot as she got ready for bed, starting with a shower.  The TARDIS was wonderful and it was home, but there was something comforting about the familiar comforts of the place she grew up.  When she was done, she crossed the hall to check on the Doctor.  His door was open a crack and she sighed with relief that he had not completely closed himself off.  She stuck her head in the room to check on him.

The Doctor was sitting against his headboard reading a book upside down.  Donna smiled to herself, knowing he was forcing himself to read slower to make the book last just a touch longer.   She did not think she had made a noise, but he glanced up a few moments later and smiled, though it did not reach his eyes.  She smiled in return before speaking, "Comfy, then?" 

He nodded a tiny, more real smile appeared. 

"Do you need anything?  Glass of water or something?" 

He shook his head.  She did not know how he did it.  He always knew what to do to make her feel comfortable, now even in her own house, she had no idea how to help him.  He set the book aside and gestured for her to come in.  

Donna sat on the bed facing the Doctor and he gingerly took her hand, "Have a nice talk with Wilf?" 

She nodded, "Yeah, it's always good to see him." 

The Doctor cocked his head slightly as if he were trying to analyze her, "I'm not going to run off to the TARDIS, Donna.  I told you I would give this a go." 

Donna nodded, "I know.  And I'm grateful.  You sure there's nothing you need?" 

He shook his head. 

She smiled sadly, "Right, then Spaceman, I'm just across the hall if you need anything." 

She leaned forward about to kiss his forehead, but she saw him tense so stopped. She sighed and spoke again, "Good night, Doctor." 

He squeezed her hand just a touch tighter, in apology, "Good night, Donna." 

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Donna made her way back to her bedroom, but first checked on Wilf, who was sleeping soundly.  She tried not to be too upset, the fact that the Doctor was staying on a planet again was a huge leap for him, but she was still hurt that he had tensed when she was going to kiss him good night.  She sighed again as she turned down her own bed.  She lay down, taking comfort in her own bed and the sounds of her own city.  It was not long before she was asleep.

Donna was not sure how long she had slept, but she was wakened by a terrified scream.  She sat upright immediately and it took her a minute to remember she was at home.  She then heard another scream.  She recognized the Doctor screaming her name.  Without any thought, she leaped out of bed and ran across to his bedroom.  He was drenched in sweat, but seemed paralyzed.  Then she heard him scream her name again, along with the word "No."  She rushed over to the bedside and tried to wake him.  He did not wake, but she heard him sigh, "It's gone," several times over.  Then he rolled away from her and whimpered.

Donna thought she could make out a few words as the Doctor's whimpers became tears.  But she still could not wake him.  Finally, she sat on the bed and gently and soothingly ran her fingers through his hair as she whispered words of comfort.  She glanced over at the clock it read 6.18 am.  She had slept most of the night and decided to stay with him until he woke.  She thought it would be longer, but it was only about ten minutes later when he started to stir.  Afraid she might startle him, she moved to sit on a chair in the corner of the room until he woke completely.  He sat up, stretched and ran his hands through his already messy hair.  Donna just watched him, captivated by this, since she had never seen him wake up naturally before. 

The Doctor released a loud yawn and suddenly realized he was not alone in his room anymore.  He looked sheepish for a second, "You didn't sleep in that chair all night, did you?  I told you I was fine." 

Donna smiled, "Good morning to you too, Sunshine.  And no, I didn't." 

Her smile then faltered along with her words.  She didn't know how to broach the subject of his nightmare.  He helped her by replying, "It happened again, didn't it?  I didn't mean to wake you." 

She moved over to sit beside him on the bed, but made sure not to touch him, "You wanna talk about it?"

He shook his head no. 

She bit her lower lip debating if she should push him or not, "Can I?" 

He raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.  She shrugged, "It's just that you screamed my name and the way you did..."  She broke off, unable to complete her thought. 

The Doctor gently took her hand and shuddered at the feel of it.  He began softly, "I was on that truck again.  Only this time you were there.  And instead of the H... Anpaytoo, sacrificing herself..." 

He took a shuddering breath trying to control his emotions.  He did not need to finish his nightmare; Donna could piece together the rest.  She did not think, she wrapped her arms around the Doctor.  It was a brief moment before she realized that he had not tensed up and in fact was clinging to her as he began to sniffle.  She said nothing and she rubbed gentle circles into his back.  His sniffles quickly turned into sobs and she whispered encouraging words, reminding him that she was with him and that nothing happened to her.

When the Doctor's sobs became hiccups, Donna helped him to lie back down in the bed.  She was glad when he did not protest.  She told him she would be right back and went to the bathroom for a flannel.  She ran it under cool water, found a glass, filled it with water and returned to the Doctor's side with both.  She used the flannel to gently wipe the tear tracks away; she noticed how he seemed to be receptive to her touch.  After that, she held his head and had him drink some water.  When he had enough, he allowed his head to fall back to the pillows.  Donna again ran the damp cloth over his face and then set it down on the table.  She met his eyes and smiled, "Feeling better?" 

He nodded and then looked a bit sheepish. 

That made Donna smile more, "What are you thinking?"  

The Doctor looked down at his hands and spoke softly, "A part of me wants to sleep more, but the other part of me is scared to." 

Donna just looked at him with compassion, "Oh, Sweetheart.  Do you want me to stay with you for a bit?  Would that help?" 

He nodded and bunged over on the bed to make room for her.  She settled in next to him and before she knew what was happening, the Doctor had wrapped his arms around her as if she were a giant teddy bear or something.  She was so glad that he was reaching out to her that she could not even come up with a snappy reply.  Instead she allowed him to tuck her head under his chin and closed her eyes.  She hoped that he was as comfortable as she was.  It was not long before she heard his soft snores that were almost like purring.  She could feel her own tensions and concerns drifting away as she listened to him sleep.  Between his rhythmic breathing and steady heartsbeats, she was soon lulled to.


	10. Chapter 10

Donna woke sometime later and nearly fell out of the bed.  She had forgotten they were in her mum's guest room and this bed was only a double, unlike the queen sized one in her room on the TARDIS.  She kept her wits about her though and rolled slightly toward the center of the bed.  She found the Doctor watching her.  She gasped lightly and at that, he grinned.  It nearly reached his eyes and even though there was an edge of sorrow to them, it was the closest to a real smile she had seen from him in the longest time.  She could not help but to smile back.  He continued to stare at her, so she asked while rubbing her nose, "What, have a got something on my nose?" 

That made the Doctor smile more and finally he spoke, "No, I was just thinking you humans spend entirely too much time sleeping."  

Donna playfully swatted the Doctor’s arm, "Oi! You're one to talk, 'Mr. I Don't Need Sleep,' but here you are in bed!" 

He tried to look affronted for a moment, but could not maintain it and broke into a fit of giggles.  Then he wrapped his arms around her, “You’re brilliant!” 

She was glad that he could not see her face.  She wanted to argue with him, but then, it was so good to hear him at least sound happy that she did not.  Finally she gently pushed him off, “Right.  Shower, get dressed and breakfast.” 

His humor fell slightly, “And then what?” 

She had moved herself to the door by this point, but his voice stopped her, “I don’t know.  I just know that Gramps will probably want to stargaze tonight.  So, we’re probably on our own during the day.  We can do anything… or nothing.” 

The Doctor just looked at her silently for a minute, at which point Donna tried to cheer him up, “We’ll figure it out over breakfast.  We won’t do anything you’re not ready for.”  She paused, “Come on, I’ll even make banana pancakes!” 

At that, he sprung out of bed and hugged her again, “Okay, that I can do.”  He released her, offered a manic grin and pushed her out the door, “The sooner the better.” 

Which only made Donna giggle.  She left him to get ready for the day and went to her own room to do the same.  While she was in the shower, though she started to wonder how much the Doctor was just acting or if he was really that happy.  

After they ate breakfast the Doctor announced, "It's a nice day out!  Can we go for a walk?" 

Donna was finishing her coffee looked over at him and grinned, "You sure you don't want to run?" 

The Doctor tried to look incredulous for all of three seconds.  Then he broke into an easy smile, “Alright then, a stroll?” 

His eyes were pleading with her.  A part of Donna was just excited to see him want _something_.  And the fact that he wanted something so ordinary, well, she could not refuse him.  They finished cleaning up breakfast, wished Wilf a good day and went on their way.  Donna discreetly led the Doctor out the back door, thinking it might be less threatening for him than forcing him to face the traffic of the street.  She led him across the lower part of the allotment, close enough to see the TARDIS, but not too close as to make him want to jump in and run away. 

The Doctor felt… weird without Donna’s hand in his.  He extended his hand to her and he sighed with relief when she took it. For her part, Donna was being a bit calculating in their journey.  She wanted to walk in the park, partly for its beauty, but also because there would be more people there and it would be easier to gauge how the Doctor was really doing.  They had been walking in companionable silence for a few minutes, when the Doctor gave her hand a squeeze and spoke softly, “Romana.” 

Donna raised an eyebrow, “You want to goto Rome?  Doctor the last time we…” 

The Doctor cut her off, “Humm?  Rome?  Oh, no!  No, no, no, no.”  A fond smile crossed his features, “Not Rome. Romana.  Well, Romanadvoratrelundar… Well, Fred.” He snickered to himself. 

Donna stood there with an open mouth, “Romana Vulture?” 

He laughed at that.  The first real laugh she had heard from him since the events on Midnight.  He was still giggling lightly as he replied, “No.  And don’t say that too loud. Out of all the Time Lords, she is the one most likely to find some way back.” 

Donna paused in their walk and tried to meet the Doctor’s eyes, “Who was she?” 

He went quiet in thought and started to lead Donna toward a set of benches.  They sat and he remained silent for a bit longer, watching the leaves rustle in the trees.  Donna for her part, waited patiently.  With everything that had happened on Messaline, she had learned if the Doctor wanted to share something with her, he would and without her prodding.  He took a deep breath and released it in a slow sigh, “At first, I was assigned to her, or she to me."  He waved the confusion away with his hands, "Things were always a bit muddled where the White Guardian was concerned.”  Donna wrinkled her nose, but decided to let the Doctor continue uninterrupted, especially since he was talking about a Time Lord.  He continued, “We were sent on a mission to find and assemble all six parts to the Key to Time.  Which we did.  But it was all a trick and so I had to scatter the pieces again.”

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The Doctor was rambling and Donna knew she had to pull him back on track again, “And Romana?” 

He sighed deeply at the name, “She was young and naive and had never set foot off of Gallifrey.  But she was also brilliant, which she never failed to flaunt in front of me.” 

Donna smirked, “She stopped you.” 

He met her eyes at that and nodded, “In her own way, I suppose she did.” 

Donna smiled warmly and again waited for him to continue.  When he did not, something clicked for her and she whispered, “You loved her.” 

The Doctor blushed ever so slightly, but replied causally, “I love all my companions.” 

Donna smiled, “Fair enough.”  

The Doctor sat for a few more moments in silence before continuing, “You’re right, though, I did love her.  Still do in some ways,” he sighed, “I was a different man then.” 

Donna knew she must have died with the other Time Lords, but asked, “What happened?” 

He offered a wry grin, “She grew to be too much like me.  We encountered a universe in need of a Time Lord and she stayed behind to fulfill that roll since they had none.” 

Donna felt a surge of hope, “So maybe…”

He cut her off with a shake of his head.  He was somber and his voice took on a thick quality when he answered, "She was there at the end."  He paused for a long time gazing out over the park before them.  Donna did not think he would say anymore when he spoke barely above a whisper, "She asked me to end it."

Donna was horrified as she thought of the prospects and being who she was, jumped to a terrible conclusion, "But... that... That's emotional blackmail!" 

The Doctor gave an incredulous look and was practically yelling, "What? What?  No!  That's _so_ not how it was." 

Donna calmed herself and lowered her voice, "Then tell me... How was it?" 

The Doctor closed his eyes, inhaling deeply again.  Donna watched him intently.  She was not going to push him, but running was not going to be an option for him either.  He nodded as if agreeing with himself about something.  Donna cocked her head to the side and waited.  Finally the Doctor opened his eyes and met Donna's eyes, a single tear was sliding down his left cheek. 

The Doctor spoke at long last, "Romana was in hiding.  She had been president of Gallifrey but was over-thrown.  The new leadership sought to kill her, as they did anyone who disagreed with them.  But she still had possession of _The Moment_ , the ultimate weapon."  He sniffed and met Donna's eyes, "I've already told you about it and what it did." 

She nodded and took his hand to offer him support.  He continued, "Since we had both served as president of Gallifrey, we had access to various places all over the planet.  So we were able to stay hidden when we wanted to meet."  He sighed, "That last time... we were loosing the War, Rassilon had been resurrected, but was mad... well, we were all going a bit mad, really.  I don't know how people stay sane in the face of war.  But, Romana and I met in a park, not all that different from this one.  She handed me _The Moment_ to me and simply said, 'You know what to do.'"

The Doctor took a shuddering breath, "I knew what _The Moment_ was and what it would do.  And I knew she was asking me because I was the only one she could trust with it."  He offered a wistful smirk, "And she was the only one I would have obeyed.  If anyone else had asked me to take _it_... if anyone else would have demanded it of me... I wouldn't have done it.  But, Romana and I were in complete agreement that the War had gone on so long and both sides had degraded so far that both sides had to be stopped.  And the only way to stop everyone was using it."  He stuttered over his next phrase, "She k-kissed me."  Donna squeezed his hand and he looked at her, "You don't understand.  If Romana was anything, she was Time Lord, through and through.  We don't have physical expressions of love, like you humans.  And Romana never quite had the fascination with Earth that I held.  The fact that she would do something... so human... was a sign of what our relationship was in her mind..."

The Doctor stopped talking at that point, he was overcome with emotion.  Donna wrapped her arms around him.  He wept.  Donna had never quite seen him like this before.  Oh, she had seen him cry and even break down, but this?  This was different.  She could tell he was weeping for what 'Might have been.'  She gasped at that thought; the Doctor had told her that was how he saw things all the time.  She swallowed down her own emotions, "And everything about the War is a fixed point, so no going back.  And that's why you never look back.... because you can't."  And suddenly the conversation they had at Pompeii made so much sense to Donna,  "You literally can't! I mean, even if you _could_ , trying or succeeding in going back - it would somehow destroy you...”

The Doctor nodded into her shoulder as he continued to weep.  When he had almost found his voice again, he croaked out, "It's more than that, though.  Rumors exist about how to break Time Locks, but it would mean ripping apart the known reality."  He sniffed and rubbed his eyes,  "I could go back... only to end up destroying all of everything." 

Donna hugged him tighter, "So you'd only loose again and all of us: humans and Ood and Adipose and everyone, would be lost in the process."

The Doctor nodded again, “That or I would have to…” He broke off and Donna tried to meet his eyes, the question in her own. The Doctor continued, “I would have to become something I have no desire to be…. Though, I have had a glimpse of it and I know that I’ll eventually become that.” 

Donna sat in confusion, but did not press him.  Instead, she just offered another hug, which he gratefully accepted.


	11. Chapter 11

They sat in silence for a bit longer and the Doctor calmed himself.  Finally, he turned to and cupped her cheek in his hand, “Thank you, Donna Noble.” 

She tried to pull away from him, but his thumb stroked her cheek, encouraging her to stay put.  She took a hesitant breath.  He just nodded in reply, “You're brilliant.” 

Donna finally pulled away and spoke sheepishly, “Stop it, Spaceman.” 

He just smiled at her with a slight nod of his head.  He reached his hand out to her and she took it.  They watched their surroundings again for a bit.  Donna was glad the Doctor seemed so relaxed, especially considering what he just told her.  His stoicism seemed to vanish as he jumped to his feet seemingly ready for his next adventure.  He grinned, still holding her hand, “Right, think it’s time to head back?” 

She gave his hand a squeeze and nodded, “Yeah, I’m starving.”  She paused for a moment, “Oh, that reminds me.  There’s this nice little deli at the other side of the park, what do you say we head there and pick up some lunch?” 

The lost look returned to the Doctor’s features.  He looked around them for an answer, but it seemed for the most part, the humans were ignoring them.  Donna gave the Doctor’s hand a squeeze, “Hey, where did you go?” 

He shook his head, “I’m fine.” 

She gave his hand a squeeze, “I didn’t ask how you where, I asked where you went.” 

He shrugged, “You know where.” 

She nodded, “Well, I like you better here, so you just stay, all right?” 

He gave a slight nod.  She offered a small smile, “Good, come on, straight through the park and to the shop.” 

She did not give him much of a choice, as she pulled him off in that direction.  He fought down the instinct to release her hand and run.  He knew that she was not going to hurt him, but the way she tugged on his hand brought back all those memories.  It was like the harder he fought, the stronger they became.  When he could stand it no more, he forced her to release his hand and ran to a nearby rubbish bin and vomited in it.  Donna slowly followed him, afraid she would upset him more if he felt like he was being chased.  She gently rested her hand on his back, as he seemed to finish.  He tensed, but did not get sick again and did not try to shake her away.

Donna rummaged in her pocket and found a clean tissue that she handed to him.  He accepted it with a nod of his head.  When he was certain that speaking was not going to cause his gag reflex to kick in, he softly spoke, “Sorry.” 

Donna had not moved her hand but then gently rubbed circles in his back, “There, there, Sweetheart, nothing to be sorry for.  I shouldn’t have pushed you.” 

He turned to face her, “No, I needed it.  If I don’t try to test the boundaries, I’ll never test them.” 

He then offered a small smile.  It was forced, Donna could tell, but he was trying and that was all she really cared about in that moment.  “Come on,” she pressed gently on his back as a sign of support, “Let’s get you home.” 

He gave a nod.  Donna debated which way to take him, she could tell he was spooked and she really did not want him to run.  She decided sticking to the familiar would be best, so she started to lead him back through the park the way they had come earlier.  This time, when they walked near the TARDIS, the Doctor bolted.  Donna tried to keep up, but by the time she got to where the Box stood, it had dematerialized.  

Donna cried out, “Doctor!” hoping that like so many years ago, he would return.  She stood there for a full five minutes waiting, before she crumpled into a pile of tears.  She did not move from that spot for another ten minutes because she did not want to worry her gramps.  Finally, she gathered herself together and went to the house.  Her gramps was going to be so disappointed and her mum was going to carry on about how she cannot even keep an alien around.  She walked through the back door and into the kitchen.  Sitting there, plain as day were her gramps and the Doctor.  Gramps spoke first, “There’s my baby-girl!” 

Donna looked from one to the other and could not help the exclamation, “What the hell is this?” 

Gramps looked confused, “Well don’t know about you, but I call it lunch.” 

He was trying to be positive and chuckled nervously.  The Doctor just smiled and that set Donna off, she walked up to him and slapped him hard across the face yelled, “You alien!” and ran to her room.  When she got there, she locked the door and slammed it shut.  She screamed as she fell to her bed and again started to cry. 

Donna had not heard the Doctor call after her, or if she did, she ignored him.  She was tired of being the one who had to be strong and hold him together.  She had not quite recovered from her experience in the Library and now this.  She was not cut out to be his companion anyway.  Maybe she should just tell him to go.  She took one pillow and rested her head upon it; she took her spare pillow and covered her head with it.  She just wanted to disappear and the tears returned, though her cries sounded empty, absorbed so quickly by the pillows.  She did not hear her door handle jiggle, nor the familiar sound of the sonic being used on the lock.  She could not hear the Doctor’s footsteps as he entered and quietly shut her door and sonic it again.  She did however, feel the mattress dip under his weight as he sat beside her.  She could not bring herself to look at him, though.  He just sat there silently for the longest time.  She did not know if he was waiting for her to finish crying or if he simply did not know what to say.

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After a few minutes the mattress shifted again under the Doctor’s movement, he rested his hand on top of the pillow, “Donna?” 

She did ignore him this time. 

“Donna?”  He called again, this time she could tell that he had pressed his lips to the pillow because his voice was louder.  She sighed, but gave no indication that she heard him.  He finally pulled the top pillow out of the way, “Donna….” 

She covered her head with her arm; she did not want him to see her cry.  She did not want him to know how badly his leaving had affected her.  He took her hand and tried to remove her arm from her head, “Donna, please…” 

Finally she had enough, she sat up and started to hit him.  Not with the force she would normally use to slap him, but hard enough to be jarring.  “You left me,” she yelled, “You disappeared just like them and left me there!  A-and I waited for you to come back and you d-didn’t! Just. Like. Them!” 

Her breath was coming in great gulps now and she was on the verge of hyperventilation.  He tried to stop her, but when he realized why she was upset, he just let her have it out.  He realized he deserved it.  Donna’s shouts and eventually her hitting came to a stop and she flung herself back on her bed, reduced to tears.  The Doctor was not sure what to do.  He could not leave her like that, that much he knew.  He slowly and carefully wrapped his arms about her and pulled her close.  She tensed under his embrace, but did not try to shake him free.  Her tone lacked the conviction of her words as she said, “Go away.” 

He held her tighter, paused for a few moments and then quipped, “Isn’t that what you’re upset with me for doing?” 

He had hopped the lighthearted tone would get some form of reply from her.  However, she gave no indication that she even heard him.  She shuddered and continued to cry a bit more, “Oh, Donna.  Donna Noble, I am so sorry.” 

He swallowed at lump in his throat.  She had tried to do so much to help him and this was how he repaid her?  He reduced her to tears.  He dared to stroke her hair, “Do you want to talk about it… You know, rather than just hitting and yelling at me?” 

A soft wet half-giggle broke through her tears.  Donna started to swipe at her tears.  The Doctor rolled over, grabbed some tissues out of the box on the table, and handed them to her.  She took a couple from him, “Thanks.” 

Then she continued to clean herself up.  He just sat there in silence waiting for her to take the lead this time.  When she was sure of her voice, Donna spoke, “I just… It’s so hard to know what’s real right now.  And when you disappeared, I…” 

She shrugged at herself, “Never mind it’s stupid.” 

He softly replied, “When I disappeared you what?” 

Her reply was hardly more than a whisper, “I thought maybe everything with you had been made up like the L-library.” 

She hiccupped, trying to hold in the tears that were again threatening.  He wrapped his arms around her; “I want you to listen carefully to me, okay?  You’re my best friend.  I have never traveled with anyone quite like you before.  And even when I feel like running, I’ll always come back for you, all right?” 

Donna was shocked at this statement.  The Doctor did not seem the sort to tie himself down in any form, “You’d… you’d come back for me?” 

He nodded and whispered, “Always.” 

Donna turned more into the Doctor’s arms and returned the hug, “And you don’t think I’m stupid for…”  She broke off, not really wanting to repeat it. 

The Doctor drew back far enough to meet her eyes, he raised a hand to her cheek and brushed a tear away with his thumb.  He smiled softly, “Donna, you are many things, but stupid will never be one of them.” 

She gasped a bit at that, “You’re just saying that.” 

He sighed, “Donna, I only ask the brilliant to travel with me.  All that time ago with the Racnoss...  You did something that very few companions have ever done for me.” 

Donna sniffed, “Slapped you silly?” 

He chuckled softly, “That too.  But, I was thinking of something else.  Remember, we were standing there, Lance had been so cruel to you and the Racnoss had decided to kill me… and what did you do, Donna?” 

Donna looked confused, “I don’t know, you brought the TARDIS to us, but I didn’t do that.” 

The Doctor’s look became soft as he remembered, “No, Donna, you stepped in front of me.  You were willing to die for a ‘Martian’ that you didn’t even know.” 

She shrugged, “You were kind to me… grew on me.” 

The Doctor reproached her, “Donna!  Don’t you see?  Don’t you know how amazing it is that someone would sacrifice themselves for someone else?”  He sighed lightly as his tone turned gentle, “I was all but a stranger to you.  There are people who wouldn’t do that for others they’ve known their whole lives!” 

She shrugged again, “You had saved me earlier, when we were on the motorway.” 

He hugged her tightly, willing her to understand, “I didn’t risk my life, though.  Not like you did.  No companion has done that for me before.  Not within the first hours of knowing me.” 

Donna pulled back at that, “But you’re over 900 years old…  No one?” 

The Doctor shook his head, “No.  Not even Rose.” 

She grimaced at that thought.  He was so amazing and to think no one had ever done that for him made her sad.  She tried to shrug it off again, “That just means I’m a nutter.” 

He brought his forehead to touch hers, wishing she were telepathic, in his mind he thought, “ _You’re my best friend.  And one day, I’ll show you how brilliant you are_!”

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Donna pulled away from the Doctor, “What the hell was that?” 

He became embarrassed, “You heard that?” 

She looked like she was trying to focus on something, “No so much as heard, but felt maybe?  Kinda like the Ood Song.” 

The Doctor, nodded, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that… presumed.  Maybe you’re more telepathic than I thought.  Maybe because I opened your mind once…”  He tapered off. 

Donna countered, “But you took it away.  I mean, I couldn’t hear them anymore.” 

He nodded, “Well, yes, but it’s possible that we’re a little linked now.”  He cut himself off and became squeamish. 

Donna leveled a look at him, “What aren’t you telling me?” 

He sighed, “Well, for Time Lords, touching foreheads is a sign of intimacy.”  She pulled a face, “What? Like kissing?” 

He smiled softly, “Can be, but no.  It can be used with anyone.  Usually, it was reserved for family members, very close friends or those we’re bonded to.” 

She raised an eyebrow, “Bonded?” 

He nodded, “It’s a bit like our version of marriage, but since we can regenerate and change, its a bit more permanent.” 

Donna smirked, “Never pegged you for the hopeless romantic type.” 

The Doctor sighed with relief.  Donna did not seem upset by it and when she teased him, he knew they would be all right.  He pulled her into a hug again and sighed happily.  He grinned when he heard her do the same.  He took a breath, “Are you gonna be all right?” 

Donna took a breath of her own, “Eventually, just never do that to me again!  If you need to go somewhere, just tell me.  Even if you don’t want me with you.” 

He smiled and nodded, “Promise.” 

He paused and slowly released her, “Don’t you wanna know where I went?” 

Donna shrugged, and watched him as he pointed to a corner of her room.  She looked back at him in shock, “B-but that’s the TARDIS… How’d she fit in here?  This room isn’t bigger on the inside!” 

He shrugged, “Well, maybe not, but she can fit in a variety of places you wouldn’t think she could.” 

She looked back at the TARDIS, “But why here?  Why not your room?” 

He blushed slightly, “Well, that room really would’ve been too small.  If you don’t want her here, I can move her.” 

Donna looked a touch affronted, “Don’t you dare!  She’s given me so much, it’s the least I can do!” 

The Doctor grinned, “Well, that’s settled, then.” 

Donna sighed contentedly, “Right, I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.  I’m heading down to the kitchen, wanna join me?” 

The Doctor gave a glance back at the TARDIS, then nodded and followed her.  Wilf was on his way out the door as they descended the stairs, “You kids get everything sorted?” 

Donna smiled and approached him, planting a kiss on his forehead, “We did.  And where are you off to?” 

Wilf shifted nervously, “Just some time out with my mates.” 

Donna sighed and shook her head, “Just don’t be telling them about the Doctor, you hear?” 

He smiled, “I promise, sweetheart.”

He gave her a hug then headed out the door.  The Doctor looked confused, “What was that all about?” 

Donna quirked a smile, “Granddad’s mates.  They’re into everything about aliens and conspiracies and stuff.  They don’t need to know about you.”  She lightly poked him in the chest to get him to move out of her way so she could get to the kitchen. 

The Doctor fringed injury, “Ow!”  But grinned and got out of her way.

Donna got to the kitchen, made up some tea and a couple of sandwiches.  Without asking, she set a mug and plate in front of the Doctor before sitting down to a plate and a mug of her own.  She watched him carefully as she took a bite of her sandwich.  She was still studying him and finally could wait no longer to ask, “How long were you gone?” 

He sputtered, “What?” 

Donna smirked knowingly, “Well, you’ve a time machine, right?  So… how long were you gone?” 

He stared blankly at her. 

She nodded, “Look, you’re obviously in a different place from when you left.  You’re more relaxed and all, so… How long were you gone?” 

A wry smile appeared, “Can’t pull a thing by you… But I thought you didn’t care.” 

She offered a smile of her own, “No I said, I didn’t need to know.  I care, Doctor.” 

He nodded then mumbled, “Three weeks.” 

She stopped eating her sandwich mid-bite, “Three _weeks_?”  Her face crumpled as the sadness of that thought came over her. 

He swallowed thickly, but only nodded his head.  He hated that he hurt her more. “I’m sorry,” he all but mumbled. 

Donna swallowed her bite of sandwich and washed it down with tea, “Are you feeling better, at least?” 

He nodded, “I just…” he broke off. 

She met his eyes and reached out to take his, “Had to run.” 

He squeezed her hand and gave a slight nod of his head. 

She took a breath, trying to quill the sadness that he had left without her.  At that, he squeezed her hand again, “Are you all right?” 

She did not reply, but just nodded her head.  She sighed heavily and replied, “I just… I would’ve wanted to be a part of it, you know?” 

He smiled softly, “I know, but I didn’t want to make things worse for you.  As much as I need someone, there are some things I have to do on my own.” 

Donna smiled softly, “Now I know you’re not better yet, since when do you admit to needing someone?” 

He blushed slightly, “Since I met you.”


	12. Chapter 12

The next night, after everyone had said goodnight to each other and Donna was done with her shower and getting ready for bed, she noticed the calendar.  She gasped as she recognized the date:  today was Joshua and Ella’s birthday.  She slipped into her housecoat and slippers, picked up her TARDIS key, and left her room.  The Doctor had moved the TARDIS when they realized she was blocking the door to Donna’s closet. She paused at the guest room, to check on the Doctor.  He seemed content with reading, so she made her way through the house.  She went out the back and headed to the TARDIS.  She sighed heavily as she slipped her key into the door and opened it.  She did not need to worry the Doctor or Gramps.  The day had been wonderful and she did not want to ruin it for them at this late hour.  She made her way through the TARDIS to the nursery she had found.  She was worried about breaking the little beds, so she sat on the floor between them and laid the upper part of her body on one of them.  Then, she wept bitter tears.  She missed them so much.  After she calmed down to mere hiccups, she got up and made her way to the console room. 

Donna swiped at the silent tears that still fell down her cheeks.  Then, she walked around the console twisting dials and punching buttons.  She only hoped she remembered enough to do this…  After she set everything, she took a deep breath and released the hand brake and… nothing happened.  She looked at the Central Column, “Oh, come on!  Please… I just need to be close to them!  Just this once; _please_!” 

She reset the hand brake and checked all her settings again. That she knew, they were all correct.  Then, she returned to the hand brake and pulled it again.  Again nothing happened.  She then remembered the mallets.  She walked over and picked one up, then used it to hit the console, “Work!  Come on!  I need to get back to them!  Today’s their birthday and I missed it.  Please!” 

It went on for several minutes, as she tore into the console with the mallet.  She switched to the hammer and the TARDIS groaned in protest.  Donna stared at the ceiling, “You _will_ take me to them!” 

Still the TARDIS did not move.  Finally, she held the hammer above her head and swung it, intending to hit the glass-like casing of the central column.  As Donna was swinging the hammer forward, there was resistance against her efforts.  A soft calm voice whispered to her, “You don’t want to do that.” 

As she turned to face the owner of the voice and cause of resistance, the hammer was wrenched from her grip.  She looked at the Doctor and all her anger that had been directed at the TARDIS was now focused on him.  She huffed, “Oh yes!  I do!” 

She went back to where the mallet hung and picked it up.  This time she was coming towards him.  He had no recourse but to allow the dark clouds of the Oncoming Storm to gather.  He suddenly appeared to be much taller and in a voice that boomed through the TARDIS, he cried out, “DONNA!” 

That seemed to break whatever spell had come over her.  Her arms fell lax at her sides and the mallet slipped from her grip.  He said her name again, this time no more than a whisper, “Donna.” 

She started to collapse to the ground.  As if in slow motion, the way seeds are blown from a dandelion puff in the gentlest breeze.  He moved to catch her, so that she was not hurt on the grating.  Donna tried to rile against the Doctor, but he had caught her in such a way as to pin her arms to her sides, so no matter how hard she fought, she would not be able to hurt him or herself.  Her rage lasted another ten minutes, before she began to weep the bitter tears of defeat.  He relaxed his grip enough so that he was not as tense anymore, but he did not release her completely.  It was another few minutes before the tears slowed and she hiccupped as she took breaths of air.  All the while, the Doctor whispered quiet words of calm.  Finally, when he was certain she was not going to hit him, he shifted his hold on her and turned it into a hug.  After a few more minutes passed, he quietly asked, “Want to tell me what that was all about?” 

She tensed for a moment as if afraid of him, “Nothing.” 

He kept his tone soft, “Donna Noble, you are so passionate, but you are not the type to react like that over ‘nothing.’” 

She sighed, “It’s stupid.” 

He allowed his voice to get a bit stronger, to encourage her to continue talking, “I doubt that very much.”

Donna shrugged and then sighed before speaking again, “I just realized that today was Joshua and Ella’s birthday. I need to be there for them.” 

The Doctor could hear the panic rising in her voice.  He held her closer to himself, “Donna…”

She interrupted him, “See?  Like I said, stupid.” 

He rested his chin on her head, “I wasn’t going to say that… But I can’t take you back there.  I can’t risk us crossing our own timelines and running into each other.  And anytime outside of that, the Vasta Nerrada will have total control of the Library.” 

She sighed, “I know.  But there’s gotta be a way.” 

He gave her another tight squeeze as she paused to sniffle.  Taking a breath, she continued, “I just… I’m already forgetting them.  And that’s just not right, a mother forgetting her own children.  So if I see them, maybe I’ll remember better.” 

He sighed softly, “I wish I could tell you that makes it easier.  But it doesn’t, I promise, it doesn’t.” 

Donna shrugged not quite believing him, “I didn’t hurt her too bad, did I?” 

She could feel the Doctor shake his head and his voice thick with emotion, “No.”

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The Doctor held her until she calmed some more, but Donna struggled against him.  After a few more minutes, he used his hand to remove her key from around her neck.  She tried to stop him, but he was still holding her in such a way as to pin her arms.  She spoke hoarsely, “What are you doing?” 

The Doctor swallowed thickly, “You tried to take the TARDIS, Donna.  And when she protected you by not moving, you used violence against her.  Then you were going to shatter the central column with a hammer.” 

He paused and when she gave no reply, he continued, “I can’t trust you with a key right now." 

Donna did not fight him, but started to weep again, “No! I’m sorry!  It won’t happen again!” 

It pained the Doctor so much to do this to her, but he knew in the end it would be better for all three of them.  He quietly replied, “It won’t happen again because you will not have access to her without me being present.” 

Donna struggled to get out of his arms, “Fine, then I’ll just go home then!”

The Doctor briefly debated if he should hold her against her will or let her go.  He decided to let her go and then debated whether to follow her or not.  He decided against it.  Instead, he let her go and remained on the TARDIS for some time.  He had not lied to Donna, she actually had not done much if any damage to his Old Girl, but the fact that she would have attacked the Central Column was disturbing.  More so, was the fact that she would have taken off without his knowledge and ended up who knows where and without a way back to him.  He got up and rested his hands on the console, “I’m sorry, Old Girl.” 

He listened to her soothing hum and looked up at the calming green-ish light.  He knew she bore neither him nor Donna any grievance.  But, he would not have blamed her if she did.  He made the few repairs that were necessary, which took most of the night.  It did not matter; he did not think he would be wanted in the Noble household anytime soon.  Finally, he exited the TARDIS and sat outside her doors.

The Doctor did not attempt to go to the house.  He just watched over it like a centurion.  He watched as the sun came up and over the city, but still he did not move.  It was another five hours before he saw movement in the house.  His time-sense told him it was 10.03 in the morning.  He watched as the kitchen door opened and Wilf came out.  The Doctor tensed.  He knew of the fierce and protective love this man had for Donna and he did not want to face it.  Wilf had what looked like a thermos and a brown paper sack in his hands as he made his way up the hill.  The Doctor watched Wilf in silence as he sat down next to him and started to pour hot coffee out into the mug and handed it to the Doctor.  The two men sat in silence and when the Doctor could stand it no more, he spoke, “Did you get enough sleep last night?”  He winced at his own ridiculous question. 

Wilf huffed, “More than you, I daresay.” 

The Doctor nodded in reply as he sipped the coffee and the two men returned to silence.

After a few minutes, Wilf took his turn to speak, “She thinks you’re gonna leave her.  Are you?” 

The Doctor looked shocked and hurt, “No! Why would she…?  Oh.  She told you about the key, then?” 

Wilf simply nodded and handed him the paper bag, “Thought you might be hungry.  You’ve been sitting out here for hours.” 

The Doctor looked sheepish, “Thanks, but I’m not hungry.” 

Wilf shrugged, set the bag down and waited for the Doctor to talk.  When the Doctor made no effort, Wilf spoke again, “Why didn’t you come back down last night, if you’re not leaving her?” 

The Doctor shrugged and sipped the coffee before he spoke, “Because... I didn’t think I’d be welcomed.” 

Wilf grafawed, “Oh Doctor, don’t you worry about her.  I think she and Sylvia fight because of how similar they are.  Besides, it’s my house too and if I say you’re welcomed, then you are.  And I say you are.” 

The Doctor smiled a and turned the faintest shade of pink, “Thank you, Wilf.  But, I think it might be best to just give her a bit of space.” 

Wilf nodded, “I know you’re doing what you think is right, to keep your promise to me.  I know she don’t see that yet, but she’ll come ‘round, you’ll see.” 

The Doctor was so grateful for Wilf’s presence, for his openness and for the fact that Donna had such a kind and understanding person in her life.  But selfishly, he was glad that Wilf was treating him in a way similar to how he treated Donna.  It was reassuring to know that not everyone hated him for any decision he made.  He rubbed his hands over his face, in an effort to wipe the emotions away.  Wilf picked up the bag again, “Eat.  You’ll do nobody good if you don’t.” 

The Doctor huffed with a laugh of irony.  He did not think he was helping anyone anyway.  He smiled when he saw several slices of banana bread, “Oh, thank you!” 

Wilf chuckled, “Don’t thank me.  Donna.  She bakes when she’s upset.” 

The Doctor looked at him, “Really?  She hasn’t baked a lot with me.  I mean, we share those duties, but…” 

Wilf smiled knowingly, “Yeah, well maybe she doesn’t get that upset around you.” 

The Doctor took a bite and shrugged, “With all I put her through, I don’t see why not.”  Wilf rested a hand on his shoulder, “She’ll understand.  She’s had time to cool off now.” 

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Donna had watched her grandfather go up the hill to the TARDIS, so she put herself into cleaning.  She had slept hardly at all that night.  Today, she could tell her body was fighting her.  Every time she had fallen asleep, she felt the Doctor taking the key from her.  Then she would lie there, listening for the sound of the TARDIS disappearing.  That never happened.  Though, she ended up sitting in front of her window the rest of the night, to keep an eye on the TARDIS.  She was not sure why, but she felt she would need to whisper ‘good-bye’ should the little blue box disappear.  Not that any of that mattered now, he was still here and her Gramps had gone up the hill, probably to comfort the alien.  Just as well, Donna was not in the mood to be comforted anymore.  She kept out of cleaning too much.  Her mum always had things in a specific way and Donna never seemed to do them right.  But now, Donna was dead tired on her feet.  She did not know how that daft alien stayed awake all those hours, when here she was, one bad night of sleep and she could hardly function.

Finally, Donna sat down in the front of the telly and all but zoned out.  She did not fall asleep, but simply allowed her mind to drift into a strange sort of semi-consciousness.  She did not hear the kitchen door open, so had not realized that anyone had returned.  It was not until she felt a hand on her shoulder.  When that happened she jumped and turned to face the intruder.  That was when she met the eyes of the Doctor. 

She shrugged out of his hand, “Come to rub it in more?” 

He swallowed hard at that and shook his head.  She continued her strong stance, “What do you want, then?” 

He remained silent. 

Silence was a trick that she sometimes used to get him to talk and she figured that he was using it on her.  However, she could not stand the weight of his eyes on her, “Stop it, Doctor.  I’ve screwed up enough, okay?  I get that, just… stop it.” 

He remained silent. 

She was tired enough that she was afraid his silence might start to work on her.  She held her ground and the Doctor held his.  He really was an annoying alien.  She started to question why she ever wanted to find him again!

The Doctor sighed heavily, “Donna, neither of us slept well last night.  Let’s take a nap and then we can talk about it.  I know you’re safe and you know I’m not going anywhere.” 

Donna’s anger flashed again, “Do I know that?  Do I?  If you wanted to leave, I’ve no way to keep you here.” 

He held her gaze, “I don’t want to leave.  Come on, I’ll stay with you, if it makes you feel better.” 

She adjusted her arms across her chest in defiance and just stared at him.  He held himself in check from touching her, but made himself comfortable as he settled back in the couch.  She just huffed at him, but remained quiet other than that.  They remained silent for the next ten minutes.  Finally, a tear slipped down her cheek.  He noticed and slowly moved his arm to drape across her shoulders, pulling her to rest her head on his chest.  She mumbled, “I miss them,” before the tears overwhelmed her. 

He held her tighter, kissed the top of her head and whispered, “I know.”  There was not anything else he could say. 

Donna did not fight him and simply allowed herself to cry. She had cried herself to sleep with the Doctor holding her.  Which was how Wilf found them.  The Doctor looked over to him and placed a finger on his lips then, pointed to the sleeping woman.  Wilf nodded, but came into the room anyway, “Sylvia just called.  They got rained out and are coming back early.” 

The Doctor groaned softly.  He did not want to wake Donna, but in her condition, he did not think it would be good for her to see her mum.  He knew he did not want to see her.  He nodded to Wilf and gently shook her, “Donna?  Donna, your Gramps has something to say to you.” 

Wilf chuckled softly, “Thanks for putting it off on me.” 

He just nodded with a sheepish grin, then Donna started to stir in his arms.  Once she was fully awake, Wilf passed the news on to her.  Then she and the Doctor went to their rooms to collect their belongings and got ready to leave.  While they were doing that, Wilf packed a lunch for them and walked with them out to the TARDIS.  He waved them off, “Don’t be gone so long this time.” 

At that, Donna ran back into his arms and gave him a big hug, “Love you Gramps.” 

Wilf held her, “And I you, my dear, now go on and you two make sure you take good care of each other.” 

The Doctor smiled, “I promise, Wilf, we will!” 

And with that, they entered the TARDIS and left.


	13. Chapter 13

Ever since the Doctor had taught Donna how to pilot the TARDIS, she usually helped him, but this time she hung back.  She did not even come up the ramp and leaned against the doors to keep her upright.  Once they were hovering in the vortex, the Doctor approached her slowly, “Donna?” 

He did not like the fact that she looked so pale.  She took a gasp of breath as if coming to a decision, then turned around and flung the door open. She was not sure what she was doing, only that she did not want to be in the TARDIS.  She wanted to run away.  She heard as he cried, “No, no, no, no, no!” 

She felt him grab her around her waist to prevent her from jumping out.  He more or less flung her partly up the ramp out of the way of the doors and then he slammed them shut.  He took a deep breath and turned around.  He leaned against the doors to prevent her from opening them again, crossed his arms and stared her down, “Alright, what was that all about?” 

For a moment, Donna was about to answer, but then she turned and ran to the other set of doors that lead to the interior rooms.  The Doctor silently begged the TARDIS to lock the doors to prevent her from leaving.  When she realized the doors were locked, she sank to her knees and weakly beat the doors with a fist.  After a few moments, her quiet voice could be heard over the hum of the TARDIS, “Just let me go, you don’t want me anyway.” 

The Doctor’s voice rose as he approached her; he sounded angry, “Why would you think _that_?” 

Donna shrugged, “You took my key away,” her voice softened to a barely audible whisper, “Besides, I’m… nothing.” 

He squatted down next to her and he lowered his voice as he realized he had shouted, “Donna, talk to me, what’s going on?” 

She swallowed thickly, but refused to meet his eyes, “It’ll be easier if I show you.” 

A concerned look flashed across his features, but he nodded and helped her to stand.  The door unlocked with a click and Donna lead them down the hall.  He followed her silently and decided that she would talk to him when she was ready.  He was afraid if he pushed her, she would tell him nothing. She led the Doctor through several different passages.  He was impressed that she knew her way around so well.  Finally, she stopped in front of a door and then took what sounded like a calming breath.  She bit the inside of her lip and opened the door for him.  She hoped this was the right place.  She did not enter the room completely and just let him take it in.  She watched as his eyes played across the nursery.  The two small beds with identical bedding stood against the wall.  She sighed as her own eyes rested on Ella’s dolly.  The Doctor heard her sigh and turned to face her, “Donna?  What is this place?” 

She did not meet his eyes and her voice was hardly above a whisper, “Joshua and Ella’s room.” 

It took a minute for that to sink it.  When it did, the Doctor looked about the room more carefully.  A small picture caught his attention.  He walked over and picked it up.  It was a small family picture of Donna, Lee and the twins.  By the looks of it, it was from when they were still in the hospital after their birth.  “TARDIS must love you.  She’s never done anything like this before.”

Donna tried to shrug off the Doctor’s words, “What do you mean? I’m nothing special.” 

He made sure to return the picture to its place before walking back to her.  He smiled, “Well, you clearly are to her.  I wasn’t a part of this, so the only one she would do this for is you.” 

A single tear slid down her cheek and her voice was obviously chocked up, “I miss them s-so much.” 

He pulled her into a hug, “Oh, Donna.  I’m so sorry.” 

Between his embrace and kind words, Donna started to cry harder.  He helped her to sit on one of the beds as he held her.  She kept trying to talk, but every time she did, her tears chocked her up again.  For his part, the Doctor just held her, sometimes stroking her hair, sometimes rubbing her back, but he kept murmuring soft and reassuring words.  Donna did not know how much time had past, finally when she ran out of tears, she sat there in silence and allowed the Doctor’s words to wash over her.  He gave her a few more minutes and then said, “I wish you had told me more.”

Donna gulped some air before she spoke, “There wasn’t anything to tell.  Lee was the only one in that place who was real.  Besides, why should I bother now?  I don’t belong here.” 

The Doctor sighed, reached in his pocket for a handkerchief and handed it to her as he spoke, “Donna, you made a mistake.  We all do.” 

She huffed in disbelief, so the Doctor continued, “No, really.  When I first started traveling with the TARDIS, I didn’t know and couldn’t believe she was sentient and alive.” 

At that she looked up and met his eyes with a question of her own.  He only nodded in reply before continuing,  “Not until she proved herself to be sentient.” 

She was not appeased, though, “But I was gonna hit her with the hammer and I knew…” 

He rested his finger on her lips to silence her, “I have done as much, when I was in more control of my emotions than you were… And I knew what I was doing.” 

She sniffed, “So, you don’t hate me?  Why did you take my key away then?” 

He sighed softly, “Because I wanted to keep you both safe.  The TARDIS… has been known to hold grudges.  I didn’t think it’d be safe for you and her to be alone together.”

Donna sat up and out of the Doctor’s embrace at that.  Her features schooled as she attempted to hold the anger at bay, “Th-that’s not what you said!  You said I couldn’t be trusted with a key.” 

He nodded, “I did, but you were the one who assumed it was to punish you.” 

She looked at him as if he was a stranger, she got off the bed and moved to the corner of the room, “I don’t know who you are anymore.” 

He swallowed thickly as he watched her.  He gave her a few minutes before speaking again, “Look at me.  Donna.  Look at me.”  He waited until she met his eyes, “You know me.  You know me better than any other since the Time War.”  He sighed and then continued, “Donna, you’re my best friend…. Please.” 

She was not sure what specifically he was pleading for, but she could not stop herself.  She flung herself into his arms, “I’m sorry,” and those words were enough to break both of them. 

They cried together, out of all that was lost and all that could have been lost.  Each held the other and slowly the tears came to a stop.

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Donna must have fallen asleep, though she did not remember that happening.  The Doctor still held her, but they had somehow ended up lying down on the bed.  She looked around the room and thought about everything that had happened.  She decided to nudge the Doctor awake.  He slowly woke up and smiled when he saw her, “Feeling better?” 

She nodded, bit the corner of her lower lip and spoke softly, “Is there a way to get rid of this room?” 

He met her eyes with a question in her own, “Are you sure?” 

She shruged, “It’s time, I think…  I think that maybe holding on to it is making it worse.” 

He pulled her back into a hug as he spoke, “Oh, Donna Noble.  I’m so sorry.” 

She let him hold her for a time as she quietly wept again.  She finally spoke, “I’ll be all right.” 

He replied, “’Time Lord All Right’?” 

She let out a wet giggle, “I hope a sight better than that.” 

He gave her another squeeze and whispered, “Molto Bene.”

They sat there like that for a few more minutes and when she was ready, Donna made her way out of his embrace.  She sighed and looked around the room and then looked at the Doctor, “Give me a minute?” 

He nodded, “You sure?” 

She nodded resolutely, “Yeah, I just… need to say goodbye my own way.” 

He dropped a light kiss to the top of her head as he got up to leave, “All right, I’ll wait for you in the hall.” 

She nodded again.  Once he left, she made the beds up and touched all the items in the room one last time, in her effort to say goodbye.  It was time to let them go.  She had not clung to her dad like this when he had died, so like she had with him, it was time to say goodbye and walk away, letting them be buried.  She opened the door looked back at the empty room and whispered, “I’ll always remember you.” 

She switched off the light and exited the room.  She pulled it shut behind her.  She met the Doctor’s eyes and he spoke quietly, “Come on, let’s go and get some tea.” 

The Doctor draped his arm across Donna’s shoulders and led her to the kitchen.  He had already asked the TARDIS to remove room.  He thought it might be better for Donna to not see it vanish.  As they walked along she asked, “What about the room?” 

He nodded and spoke quietly, “The TARDIS will manage it.  Don’t worry about it, Donna.” 

When they arrived at the kitchen, he set out the meal that Wilf had sent with them while Donna made some tea.  Once they were both sitting, he smiled, “So, what should we do next?” 

She smiled, “I don’t know about you, but shopping has always cheered me up.” 

The Doctor grinned, “I know just the place.  It’s a Market Planet called Shan-Shen.”

The End.


End file.
